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A great season! Thank you all!

22 people out last night - I hope everyone had fun. Sorry to Simon for spilling wine on his pulling shirt.

Those awards went to...
1. Player of the season: Luke
2. Fans' player of the season: Irial
3. Goal of the season: David Messi Horan
4. Top scorer: Irial for the third consecutive year
5. Club player of the season: Charles
6. Most improved player: Johnny

So it looks like Alemanno isn't the only reformed right-winger winning landslide victories in votes. I wanted to have some pun about becoming a sweeper and him saying he was going to 'clean up' the town, but I could quite work it out... Just like him though, I don't deserve it.

Thanks so much for the presents as well. All in all, I was genuinely moved last night. Well done Irial for getting his very much deserved two prizes and to Davie Horan for surprsingly winning goal of the season - as Dave M said, it should have gone to him for that classic goal where I booted it as hard as I could from way inside my own half, the keeper fluffed it and Dave tapped in. Well done to Charles and Johnny, who really deserved their prizes, unlike me - thank you so much though. Thanks to Dave P for counting the votes!

There are loads of photos from last night on facebook - some of them are great - have a look:

part one: dinner and awards:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=167853&id=1053091757

part two: blob: in particular check out manolo and charles dancing!:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=167854&id=1053091757

Whisper it........... promozione... IUE 4-1 Sporting Club Firenze

Cerreti, Friday 9th May 2008. Scorers: Ryan 2, Dave H, Irial

Okay, so getting promoted is always fun. I found out the morning of the game that we were going up, but kept it secret for some reason until after. This means one thing: linesmen! If we had had them yesterday maybe Irial wouldn't have been scandolously called offside twice in the first half and would have finished top scorer in the league. As it was he finished vice capocanonniere for the second season running. Well done to that boy. I think he needs a more serious haircut if he wants to keep scoring next season though. Look who's talking.

Right, so on a sentimental note, I want to dedicate this promotion to this people who ran this team before me: Antonio Corretto who basically set this team up, John Cronin who took over, Andrew Glencross and his reactionary politics. I also dedicate it to whoever takes over next year from me. Primaries start in Ohio next week. I am backing JAIME.

Yesterday's game: In front of a ridiculously large crowd, we were absolutely abysmal in th first half on a collective level. Ryan made his first start of the season, eh Dave M?, and Leo moved back to his hated but natural territory of left wing. He protested by pulling a hamstring and going off after a few minutes. We were, to be honest, crap in the first half. We still defended well and Ryan scored a brilliant striker's header after Ernesto crossed fantastically from the right. David made an excellent save, tipping over from a brilliant shot by Sporting Club, who were trying to piss him off by wearing Real Madrid's kit. We failed to look cohesive, and laboured to half time. As I said during the break, this was our worst team performace of the season. Just terrible. We were trying to do everything on our own, not covering spaces, not giving options, not releasing the ball, not winning it when it was there to be won, not making runs, not believing in each other. We were not helped by an overzealous ref who stopped the game at every opportunity, but we struggled to get an improvised passing game going, which, when it goes right, can massacre the opposition. Anyway, Luke not happy at half time.

Second half. The first twenty minutes, to be fair, were excellent. Ryan got a second headed goal, after a great move, topped off by a complete regalo by a Sporting defender. We passed it better and looked more disciplined and determined. We got a third, I think my favourite goal of all season, after I dinked a freekick that they expected me to cross into Davie Horan's . path into the box which he knocked in with the outside of his foot. 3-0. Game over really. Nate came on down the right, and then switched to rightback after Dave pulled his groin, overexcited by my pass for the third goal. Charles came on down the right, and Johnny for the excellent Ryan. Simon has come on for Mate, who moaned about being taken off. Shut it Tokic! We let in a very bad goal, which, to be fair, was finished excellently by their boy, who took it down and stroked it home in one fell swoop. Irial, who needed a hattrick to level the league's top scorer, netted one after chasing down the ball in the inside right channel after a probing ball by Dom, whipping it in after sidestepping the keeper. By this time they had gone to a kind of 4-3-3, switching from the 4-4-1-1 that they had started with, creating lots of spaces. It was a shame we didn't make more use of them, as several of our playrs decided to have a rest for the last 15 minutes. Okay, we had won, and okay, it was very very warm, but come on. Dom and Manolo had a 'let's see who can run the least' contest down the left for a few minutes, with no clear winner. Our best player for the last ten was probably Nate, who defended decisively, playing, as he was keen to point out, out of position. Your position is where you are put, rudebwoy! Hi frat buddies. We should have won this game by more, and, as they say, that shows how far we have come as a team. A satisfying end to the season though, as was playing in front of Teatro Verdi with the goalies Charles and David at god knows what time this morning.

I would like to thank everyone involved this season: all the players, people who provided cars, and especially people who came to watch us play. Grazie mille!! Thanks to Irial for scoring so many goals, thanks to Dave Horan for being el Messi irlandes at times, thanks to Leo and France for being the Italian wizards, thanks to Luis for having so much class, thanks for Ernesto for having so much grinta and getting booked six times in about nine games, and sent off once, thanks to Simon for doing that funny thing where he jostles for space with the striker, thanks to Mate for playing in so many positions, thanks to Johnny for coming on and doing so well so often (it's hard to shift Irial from the team), thanks to Dave McCourt for asking whether we want it, thanks to Dom for looking tired all the time, thanks to Charles for personifying personal sacrifice for the team, thanks for David, and Igor, for being goalkeeper, thanks to Jaime and Norberto for getting a getting a goal each, thanks to Sebastian for bringing class and order to the midfield, thanks to Arnout for winning so many headers, thanks to Ryan for being patient and eventually getting his reward, thanks to Nate and his frat buddies, thanks to Manolo for always having something to say whenever I asked him to do anything (and Nate actually), thanks to Jeremy and Joel who didn't really get to play much, thanks to Andrew, obviously, thanks to Mark, who we could still here shouting from Germany (lads, we need to be angry; lads we need to be calm. Mate and Luke: Mark, shut the fuck up). Thanks to many other people. I look forward to being friends with a lot of you again! I would like to say sorry for shouting at you all, but you know I wouldn't really mean it.

I loved this season for a few different reasons: Obviously for seeing us turn into the excellent team we had the potential to be, but also for some more subtle things... The genuine collective joy at some goals and wins, the coming of age of several players who got into scraps for the love of the team - even Luis(!!), at S Frediano, the team spirit that developed, the fact that we had actual fans!, the fact that so many players put the team ahead of their personal glory, playing where they were put - to be honest, almost no-one actually ended up playing in the postition they thought they were best in when they arrived. Playing the second half of the season with only one defender and what was, in effect, eight midfielders made us look brilliant on the ball and we played so many teams off the park with that system.

Right, Wednesday, dinner. pre dinner drinks at Finnegan with some free spumante and cheap pints, then dinner at the Oil Shoppe's restaurant, La Cantina, where I'll try and get them to make us something which the English kids won't moan about this time. Dom's pushing for beans on toast. We'll get a good price. Let's say Finnegan at seven. Everyone welcome... players, fans, frat buddies, hangers on. Luis, find it this time!

Vote for player of the season: iuecalcio@gmail.com
Vote for: Player of the season, Goal of the season. Anyone who has seen any games can vote, including fans. Player of the season should be about what they have given the team this season, all things considered, not who you think is the best player, although obviously those things might coincide! Vote before Wednesday, where there will be the awards ceremony! Brenny is not invited.

Only ourselves to blame. Cavallina 2-1 IUE

Scorer: Leo.

Right, to dominate a game for its entirety and then let in two goals in the last ten minutes with their only two shots of the match is ridiculous. We should have won this game 2 or 3-0, no questions asked. How we managed to throw it away is beyond me. We missed two many good chances when dominating, and seemed to have assumed we had already won. Okay, we were denied what was one of the most blatant penalties I have ever seen, and their freekick that they equalised from was a complete joke, but come on, this is not how it should be. We have to make up for it in our last game, my last as coach. We are in two tournaments in May and June, with some very very good teams. I am only playing in those though; Dom and whoever else wants to help him are in charge of the team. Bagsy not in goal.

A lot of us took this defeat to heart last night, including me. To cheer you up, here is a funny comic strip: Click on it:Last night's team: Charles - Luke - Mate (captain), Dave M, Dom (Simon) - France (Johnny), Ernesto, Dave H, Nate (Manolo) - Leo - Irial. Good to see Ryan on the bench last night, eh Dave?

Alice Bands. IUE 5-0 Sporting 2003

Cerreti, Tuesday 15th April, 2008. Goals: Irial (2), Leo (2), Johnny.

Okay, yes, I was wearing a hairband that even the Italians were disapproving of yesterday. I blame Lewis Carol. In any case, we played brilliantly with me in my hairband, Dom in his captain's armband, and Andrew in the stands in a chipper mood, next to the Rychlik clan. Are they here on spring break, Nate? Woo.

With Si suspended and Ernesto out, Dave M came in at centre back and Dave H came back into midfield, with Luis holding slightly more, France shifted over to the left and Nate came in on the right, while Leo finally had his dream of playing just behind the striker come true. I'm glad I took him off before he got his hattrick or I'd never have heard the end of it, and he would expect to play there every week. This was a very important game, if we wanted to secure third place, and Sporting having only lost three games all season.

The first half was a relatively tight affair, but all in all an excellent performance by us. We were caused some problems by the movements of their striker on their onrushing midfielders. Discipline was the name of the game and it was important to stay alert with their clever movement. We actually defended excellently, with them not having a chance in the whole half apart from one from a very tight angle that was never going to trouble David. Sporting's high line looked like it had been copied off us before Christmas; while they managed to press the play, they held it naiavely and statically high, and Leo, Irial and the two wingers combined well on several occasions to beat it only to be called offside by the northern ref. We eventually broke the deadlock through Irial, after some brilliant play down the left and a wonderful interchange between the token Italians. 1-0. Excellent goal and a deserved lead. We had to be patient, as Sporting pressed the game well, but always looked on the verge of getting in. The mood at half time was upbeat but cautious. It was discipline and simplicity that had put us in the lead, and it was these things that would keep us there.

We started the second half well, and quickly found ourselves 3-0 up after a couple of goals by Leo who danced round the keeper after a long ball by David (see, Baez, it sometimes helps if you don't waste time!) after he had finished beautifully a couple of minutes before, whipping it round the keeper. We were passing the ball smoothly and Dave M was very solid at blocking defender, snuffing out any danger before it could materialise. Irial got his second and, frankly, we should have had four or five more quite easily. Manolo and Charles came onto the wings, and eventually Johnny uo front. Their midfield continued to work, but their high line, while still high, didn't look like it cared any more, and we got in countless times. Johnny came on for the excellent Leo and finally got his first goal for the EUI after a brilliant cut inside and cross by galavanting left back Mate Tokic. An excellent header by Johnny - a real striker's goal. The biggest cheer of the night too. Have fun washing that kit, Manc.

Team: (1-3-4-1-1) David - Luke - Mate, Dave M, Dom (captain) - France (Charles), Luis, Dave H, Nate (Manolo) - Leo (Johnny) - Irial.

El Messi Irlandés. Medici Fiorentini 3-4 IUE

Caldine, Monday 7th April 2008. Goals: France, Luis, Dave H (2)

Strangely enough, I was talking on the morning of the game about great goals where players have dribbled from the half way line and finished... Maradona v England, Messi last year are a couple. Atkinson vs Wimbledon is an unlikely candidate, and there is of course Weah at the San Siro from a while back (youtube them all, you'll have lots of fun). Well, they were all beaten in all respects last night by a brilliant wonder goal from our own number 10, Dave Horan, who decided to get his own back on his team mates, who apparently were 'not passing to him' (do the accent in your head), by going straight from the kick off, taking on a couple of Florentine doctors an finishing well, putting us back on track for a win we were on the verge of throwing away.

Also of note in this game was a wonder save by David in goal, after tipping the ball onto the bar, the ball went high into the air, leaving him seemingly clueless as to where the ball was, in fact about to drop onto their onrushing striker's head, only to prove himself to be the Iberian Zatoichi (google it), proving that you don't need to be able to see the ball to leap into the air and palm the ball to safety.

The third wonder of the match was Si's wonder strop that got him sent off, after the ref gave a very very generous penalty against the unlucky Simon and he got up and punched the ball out of the number 9's hands, who, having already thrown himself onto the floor once to win the penalty, did it again and got Simon sent off.

So, down to 10 men, and with tiring legs on a big pitch with fifteen minutes left, plus 4 mins injury time, we did something miraculous: kept the ball for the entire twenty minutes. Unbelievable. Who'd have thought we had the ability not to press the self destruct button. Well done to everyone.

So, the match: Dave H came back in up front, and France returned to the right, with Leo switching back to the left wing. The settled back four, and now habitual midfield partnership of Luis and Ernesto remained in tact from last week. We started off excellently, even though our kits were stinking. Thanks Manolo, maybe next time you could wash them with actual soap. To make things even worse, the Medici were decked out in full Fiorentina away strips, as some of them work for the club. The pitch was a bizarre affair, with fake mowing lines of different shades of artificial turf, and was the narrowest AND longest which we have played on this season. Very strange. Medici played a very suited system to the narrow pitch, and won that made in difficult for our midfielders in particular: a kind of 4-2-2-1-1, with width coming from the strikers pulling wide, with the oncoming midfielders pushing into the space. The key to bossing the game was following these men and winning first and second balls in midfield. While we played very well for spells in the first half, we failed in that key task, making things more difficult than they should have been. Our most dangerous players in the first half were our wingers, who managed to take advantage of the narrow set up of Medici, with the Italian wizards Leo and France getting in behind on several occasions. Much to Leo's disgust he is now definitively a winger. Ha! Shame he go injured after 20 minutes, time enough to set up France's goal, which he almost managed to fuck up, even though he had an open goal and about twenty five yards of space. Their narrow formation also meant lots of space for our full backs, and in fact both of our first goals originated in good play by first Mate, and then Dom for the second goal, who crossed in excellently, with the ball eventually falling to Luis who put in it into the far corner. We mixed out play up well, with a good combination of short passing and longer balls, with the most common pass easilt being me up to Irial, who repearedly did excellently to open up the play to our oncoming midfielders. We started to lose out in midfield, but still looked pretty solid, but risking losing concentration. In the thrid minute of inujury time at the end of the first half, they won an absolutely scandolous corner and took it short, caught us sleeping, and crossed the ball into an empty box. Great finish by Ernesto! 1-2 at half time.

The second half was a typical IUE affair, with us letting in a goal after losing a man during the second phase of a crossed free kick. Dave H scored his wonder goal, and a more normal goal, and they scored from their stupid penalty. We missed the usual bucketload of chances, and generally played well, in particular as we were tiring due to the long pitch. On several occasions we shot when we should have passed, a theme that continued from the first half. Dave M came on and did a solid job first blocking in midfield and then at centreback as we went to 4-4-1 with more of a flat back four as they pushed three up front. This actually gave us the room to stroke the ball around for twenty minutes and close out the win. Good performanec overall with a scoreline that didn't really reflect how well we played.

Team: (1-3-4-1-1) David - Luke - Mate, Simon, Dom - Leo (Nate), Luis, Ernesto (Dave M), Francesco (Charles) - Dave H - Irial (Johnny)

Pazienza. Iue 0-1 Casellina

Tuesday 8th April 2008. Cerreti.


Hmmm... I had forgotten what it was like to lose. Given how well we actually played last night, this isn't surprising... I actually think we played better yesterday (save a ten minute spell just after their goal at the end of the first half, in which they began to dominate the midfield) than we did in the previous two games, games in which we scored 10 goals with ease. Last night the ball just wouldn't go in. I woke up at 7am this morning thinking about my free kick in the last couple of minutes last night that crashed off the underside of the bar and bounced on the line and then up into the air. Painful. I'm really sorry it didn't go in lads.

Sometimes the ball just won't go in... There's nothing you can do about it. As Leo's dad said after the game, even if we had played for another hour, we still wouldn't have scored. In front of what was defintely a record crowd, we put on a great second half display, after a pretty decent first half performance. with Casellina reduced to booting the ball into touch and fouling. Thinking about our missed chances, there is a lump in my throat; we twice ducked under the ball in front of goal when we could have just nodded in to an open net, we hit the bar twice, headers and shots went just over and just wide, and their keeper made a few tody saves. Their goal was an absolute belter: a twenty five yard volley into the top corner. Nothing you can do. How do so many teams manage to score just good goals against us?

Grrrrr! You'll understand if this isn't a long match report... A quick summary though: We started with Manolo coming back in on the left, with Leo starting on the right, and Nate coming in for the suspended Dave H and Irial dropping back slightly deeper and Luis coming back into the midfield. Casellina are a team who know how to defend and the game was tight in the first half, but we managed to open up the game well at times, and defended solidly in general. Leo was our most dangerous player, cutting inside well from the right and almost scoring a couple of times. They scored a belter of a goal, and got in another time after a one-two down our right. We started to look slightly ragged at the back and lose out in the middle to their five-man midfield, with their number seven finding himself in too much space. A bad last ten minutes of the first half, but we are still playing well.

Dave M came on at the start of the second hal to go 5 vs 5 in midfield, with the idea being to get our midfielders to bomb forward to support Irial, and to push our wingers wider and try and get in behind. We absolutely dominated the second half, territorially and in terms of possession and chances. As we were so much on top we went back to 4 in midfield with an extra striker, with Norberto coming on for Nate. It seemed inevitable that we would score. By the time my free kick came off the bar - the sweetest free kick I will ever hit, which looked in for 25 yards - it had become clear that it just wasn't our night. Pazienza.

Team: 1-3-4-2: David - Luke - Mate, Simon, Dom - Manolo (Dave M), Luis, Ernesto, Leo - Irial, Nate (Norberto)

A few thoughts...

So, after a good run of results, we are finally beginning to fulfill some of our potential... We have a week and a half off or so now, which is good news because we would have struggled to field a coherent side next week, although with excellent strength in depth, any team we put out has a chance this season. What is important though is that we do not take our eye off the ball in this short break...

What has struck me in recent games, apart from a greater confident and fluidity right through the team, from defence to attack, has been our ability to really turn it on when it has been needed, and, the ability of certain experienced and key players to make the difference when we have needed it. Just look at our goalscorers from the last five games: Irial, Manolo, Dave H, Luis, Leo, Luke, Dave M - we have been able to combine excellent teamwork with a heightened sense of personal responsibility. It has been great that our strikers have been getting lots of goals - 11 between them in those five matches, because it shows that the team is working, especially as so many of the goals result from moves that have started deep in our own half.

We have to come back with the determination and discipline to continue this run. We owe it to ourselves and each other. Buona Pasqua a tutti!

WWWWW Speranza 3-6 IUE

Cerreti, Tuesday 18th March, 2008. Scorers: Dave H, Irial (2), Dave M (2), Luke

Now, there are some bad haircuts in the world. Just go to Spain. Or Germany. I remember being terrified of getting my haircut when I lived in Spain, that I put it off for so long that I couldn't see through my fringe any more. Then when I did finally get it cut they confirmed all my fears by telling me that he had left my hair 'just a little bit longer at the back'. I was at risk of looking like Chris Waddle in 1990. Google it. Anyway, the ref from last night, an incompetent of the highest calibre, also obviously goes to Spain to get his hair cut. The moments of hilarity shared with Speranza between their chiama and ours were at risk of putting us off the match: there is a great lyric from a great song, by a group I have cited several times on this blog, which goes: 'First of all, who's your A&R?/A mountain climber who plays an electric guitar'. (Name the song anyone? Without googling it, Jen!). I always imagined that A&R to look just like the man reffing our game last night, with a wisp of hair left on the top of his head, long abandoned by the rest of his hair, and flowing but greasy locks of numerous shades of grey (gray for the American readers, Hi Frat Buddies), tied together beautifully in a dank ponytail.

He also had no clue how to ref. No clue. Abysmal. Truly incompetent. Four deliberate violent fouls on our men who were through. Only two bookings. One when Irial was right in front of goal about 10 yards out with no-one else within 20 yards. It was a foul in a fifty-fifty he said. He also sent Davie Horan off after Dave was hacked down and got up and slightly pushed their wanker of a number 7. At least he sent their man off too, though it wasn't quite clear why. Great. He also booked one of theirs for diving, which I have never seen in our league before. Seemed a touch harsh, but there you go.

Anyway, fifth successive victory. Wow. In newspapers in the UK there is often a current form chart of teams, showing the results of the past five games. Ours now reads WWWWW. Let's keep it up, and keep eating away at Romito's lead. Apart from two minutes of incompetence on our part and some slight over-confidence and lack of discipline that occasionally crept in we did quite well in this game. We scored a few cracking goals, including a real beauty by Irial, and ground out the result when we needed to, having almost thrown it away when we had seemingly already won.

Ernesto came back in for the missing Luis, and David returned in goal. The rest of the team stayed the same. We started off nervously, misplacing passes and on the backfoot, but scored a great goal from our first attack: across the back, down the left across and in. Irial got a second from a Leo corner, and we missed two great chances from two more corners. They should have gone in. They scored after Simon was clearly fouled by their striker. The balls dropped for their nuimber 10 who belted it into the top corner on the volley. We were doing well on the ball but they had some intelligent players with good movement, and we failed to pick their men too often. We got another goal after Dave M nicked the ball off their keeper after I had whacked it upfield. 3-1 at half-time, a deserved lead, but with some negative aspects to our performance.

We had the worst of starts to the second half with them scoring an even better goal than their first -- a volley from 25 yards into the top corner. A terrible goal from our point of view though, as was their equaliser one minute later, where we let the ball bounce in our area, with it then bouncing over me and into into their striker's path. Tap in. 3-3. To be fair, we then started playing again, and dominated for the next five minutes. Irial went through after I dinked into his path. I was already purring at the idea of having two assists from sweeper, as Irial was about to pull the trigger. He was then up-ended in the most blatant of manners. How this is top a red card I have no idea. Fortunately I buried the penalty. 4-3. We then dominated for the rest of the game in all honesty, getting in behind numerous times, with them reduced to hacking us down. How their players stayed on the pitch is beyond me. Dave H became our third player to be sent off in six games. Wow, we are turning into proper bad boys. I blame Leo. We came close a couple of times from crosses from free kicks, but somehow the ball stayed out. Irial then scored a fantastic goal, something between a lob and a curler, over their pink keeper. Excellent. Dave M ran through right at the end and stuck it under the keeper to make it six. I had said I wanted minimum six goals earlier in the day. We showed we could hold firm and grind a result out when it seemed to be getting away from us. Well done. More of the same needed in two weeks, after a one-week easter break.

Team: (1-3-4-1-1): David - Luke - Mate, Simon, Dom (Charles) - Leo (Joel), Ernesto, France (Nate) - Dave H - Irial (Johnny)

What a pile of crap. IUE 4-3 S Ambrogio

Cerreti, Tuesday 11th March, 2008. Scorers: Irial (2), Dave H, Leo

Some of you may have noticed that Naples is struggling at the moment under piles and piles of rubbish. Well, if you looked to the horizon from Piazza del Plebescito last night you could see one pile of stinking crap towering higher than all the rest. It was the EUI's performance, as we repeatedly tried to shoot ourselves in the foot, only failing to do that because we were so crap that we couldn't even manage to do that. Now, there is an old saying where I am from: if it ain't broke don't get a sledgehammer and smash it into smithereens.

Fortunately we were about 2927391723092 million times better than Sant'Ambrogio, and twenty minutes either side of half time of excellent play on our part had secured us 4 goals, meaning the three absolutely pathetic goals we let in when there was no danger (two shots from over 30 yards and a tap in after an unmarked man tapped in a dropped cross) didn't stop us from securing our fourth consecutive win. Unlike last week, when we played against probably the best team we have ever played in this league (they got kicked out of the FIGC championship a couple of years ago for fighting), and fought like lions for the last 15 minutes as they laid siege to our goal, yesterday our midfield decided to have a twenty minute rest at the end of the game and let Sant'Ambrogio's crap old men try their best to break us down. Booting the ball as hard as I could onto the next pitch four minutes into injury time to waste time and regroup just about summed it up really. It shows how far we have come as a team though when we are bitterly disappointed with game in which we are clearly superior, score four great goals, and win. It also shows how far we have not come that we can almost throw away a game that we should have won, literally, with no exaggeration, about 8-0.

Okay, in synthesis, the game went like this. A patient start, and solid performance in the first half, where we were at times nervous but growing in confidence. We conceded two stupid stupid stupid goals, but got a good first one through Irial who opened his body up well to finish after a croos from the left. Our second goal was probably the easiest goal you could probably ever score, as I passed it about 70 yards from the edge of our box into Davie Horan's path, miles onside, who flicked it over the keeper and walked it into an open goal. Okay... things are going well. Dom got in after a great move down the right and could have scored, if only he'd shot! Mate started off a great move down the left which ended with a good goal from Leo. We were starting to look good. Dom and Mate were having great games at full back, and McCourt was starting to work well as a pivot in the middle. Luis was pulling the strings well, and Horan and Irial complimented each other well with the former dropping deep to pick up the ball as the latter showed some great improvisational play as prima punta.

Okay, second half. Good first twenty minutes. We got another goal through Irial from a header from a corner. Classic Glynn. We just had to hold onto the ball. Did we? Of course not. Our midfielders got pulled out of position all over the place, too high and too wide. They got their third with a shot from thirty yards that should have been 1. blocked and 2. saved. No problem. We just had to keep doing what we do best: play. Ha. Irial hit the post with a great shot on the turn, and Francesco had a couple of good moments down the right, but overall we looked terrible for those last few minutes, with them being 5 on 4 against us a couple of times. Ridiculous. They hit the top of the bar twice (although one was a cross), an we were ill disciplined (again!) as we gave a away countless freekicks. Their number 10 was unbelievable, having already crocked France in the first half, he set out to maim our entire team. Booking for Irial then, obviously. I had a word with the ref after a tried to elbow Luis in the head. 'Lo so,' says the ref. 'Ma la partita e' finita'. Oh, that's alright then. Magari fosse finita, as we had to defend a couple of corners in the last minute. Some old school headers and clearances over the fence did the trick. The relief at the end was unbelievable. What a pile of crap.

Team: (1-3-4-1-1) Charles - Luke - Mate, Simon, Dom - Leo (Nate), Luis, Dave M, France - Dave H - Irial.

Leotards and segregated labour markets. San Frediano 1-2 IUE!

Monday, 3rd March, 2008, La Trave. Scorer: Manolo (2 pens)

Now, as everyone knows, the processes and phenomena collectively and loosely known by the loaded term globalisation are multifarious. However, one of the effects of deregulated trade, the lack of trade barriers and liberalised inward investment rules is the emergence of nationality- and region-based labour market segregation. Now, as everyone has clearly guessed, I am a firm believer in the ameliorative social impact and general contribution to welfare and social justice of rampant, corporation-driven capitalism, in particular when it produces such wonders as the divison of labour along lines of nationality and ethnicity, making peoples chances and welfare dependent on a fantastic combination of the whims of multinational corporations, variables of the international economy, and most of all, where they come from.

To prove that I'm only joking when I say that I'm a communist, I displayed my support for this brilliant outcome of the the neo-liberalism constellation by putting installing ethnic divisions of labour in practice on the huge dust bowl of a pitch at La Trave last night vs San Fredano. An Spanish goalkeeper, an English defence (with pseudo-Englishman Mate), a Spanish midfield (with their mediterranean cousin Leo), and an Irish strikeforce. Now, just because I am writing a PhD on the inability of labour to see beyond its constitutive pre-work-based identities in order to pursue their collective interests and extract more profit from capital does not mean I actually believe it - My thesis was proved gloriously wrong last night as we fought like Spartans for each other to pull of a heroic, and much deserved victory.

Okay, sorry, long introduction. More importantly, we learned someone interesting about David Baez - that he has a penchant for wearing leotards. Obviously, in the amazing world of the web 2.0 wikipedia has some kind of constitutive ontological quality, so what it says goes. Therefore this link will tell you what a leotard is if you don't know. Honestly, that's what he was wearing under his classy and sexy black goalie kit. He apparently hopes to be the first Spanish WWF wrestler.

Right, the match. With Simon deciding Celtic are more important than IUE Calcio and fucking off to Barcelona Dave M came in at the back to fret about how to play in a sweeper system, and Dave H came in up front. Leo started on the right in place of Francesco, who got stuck on a train. Ernesto started the match as captain, but didn't finish it as captain, or indeed finish it at all... This was always going to a be a tough game, with S Frediano easily the best side in our league, and this was made tougher by the match being played on a pitch that looks like it has been in the middle of some scorched earth retreat. We started excellently, but looked nervous and rushed on the ball, perhaps worried about the impact of the pitch on the ability to pass the thing around, as we have been doing so well recently. Still, we got in behind a fair few times, and when we turned it on we shifted to ball quickly and with purpose, with Irial doing a great job as a pivot, flicking, passing and blocking the ball into the path of oncoming teammates. A little more belief and conviction would have seen us get in more times than we actually did. Eventually we won a penalty, which Manolo buried in an eerily Jones-like fashion. 1-0 up and playing well. They had a lot of joy exploiting the wings as the doubled up on our full backs, as their strikers engaged in intelligent and selfless running that we rarely see in this league. We got ourselves into trouble when we played a loose ball from midfield and they got into our left-back channel, Their boy twisted his ankle on the bumpy surface and fell over in a heap. Unfortunately the ref thought I had fouled him (even though I was a metre and a half away), and gave a free kick. After making a brilliant save a couple of minutes earlier from a freekick of theirs, David was unable to keep this one out, and we went in at half time at 1-1, playing well on a difficult pitch against an excellent opposition who were beginning to lose their cool, knowing that they were being outplayed. We had had a series of great attacks, and went close on a few occasions, and could easily have been winning by a couple of goals.

The second half ended up being a titanic effort of determination, teamwork and old fashioned backs to the wall defending, in which we could have scored a fair few goals on the break, and they failed to really make any clear chances, although they attacked for the last 20 minutes. This all came from the fact that we had gone 2-1 up with a brilliant second penalty from Manolo, after Irial was assaulted several times in their box as he ran clean through. They made such a racket about the penalty and the red card for their boy, but there's not much they could really argue about. Perez's effort was sheer class. His reward was to immediately come off for Nate who went up front to try and exploit the spaces in behind the S Frediano defence off Irial's flicks. We played very well for the next half an hour or so, defending resolutely, and keeping our cool against an opposition who were, to put it mildly, a bunch a cheating, violent, moaning bastards. The ref absolutely bottled it at one point as he sent off their number 1o for assaulting Luis, and then retracted it after the guy looked like he was going to hit the ref. Crazy. We missed some good chances to put the game beyond doubt on the counter attack. As our defenders kept their cool, our attack lacked the composure that they have displayed so brilliantly in recent weeks. Then, unbeliavably, the ref awarded S Frediano a penalty for no-one knows what, as there was no tackle or challenge, the boy just knocking the ball forward in our box and falling over. Crazy. The ref couldn't even say who had committed a foul. They missed it anyway. The leotard put them off. For the next 10 minutes or so, plus FIVE minutes of stoppage time, we failed miserably to keep the ball, and the ref went mental awarding them free kick after free kick in our half. Ernesto was sent off ridiculously for a second yellow, and we were backs to the wall. This was a gargantuan performance lads - the defending for that quarter of an hour was exceptional. Sorry for all the shouting. 2-1 final score!

The buzz after the game in Finnegan's was tangible - more than after any other game. This was the most satisfying victory I've been involved in at the EUI, more than any 8-1s or 5-0s or similar goleadas. This was a victory won by teamwork, sweat, determination and sacrifice against a quality opposition who knew they had been outplayed. Congratulations everyone! We also had about 20 fans at an away game in the middle of nowhere. Brilliant.

Team: (1-3-4-1-1) David - Luke - Mate, Dave M, Dom - Manolo (Nate), Luis, Ernesto, Leo (Johnny) - Dave H (Norberto)- Irial.

PHOTOS!!!! IUE Calcio throughout the ages

Here is a selection of team photos and other pictures of IUE Calcio and its members.

IUE CALCIO 2007/08

Back: Dave H, Charles, Johnny, Mate, Irial, Simon (Captain), Ernesto, Norberto, Jeremy, Joel
Front: France, Leo, Luke, Manolo, Dave M, Nate, Dom, Luis

Honestly, you let some Italian ringers into the side and they start to mess everything up. Leo and France seem to be having the time of their lives though. Also of note: Dave being crushed by Manolo, Dom partaking in a one man 100 metres race, Luis clearly being scared that something is about to fall on his head, Nate taking evasive action, and Joel and Simon posing for the picture as if nothing was happening.

IUE CALCIO 2006/07

Back: Tom, Dave P, Irial, Tijl, Dave M, Brenny, Simon, Norberto, Luke (Allenatore)
Front: Dom, Dave H, Andrew (Capitano), Manolo, Luis, Arnout

IUE CALCIO 2005/06

Back: Mario, Bartek, Francesco, Graham, Simon, Fabian, Imran, Irial
Front: Andrew, Nigel, Phillip, Luke, Pal, Dave M

Old School IUE Calcio

I'm so pleased they cured Antonio of his blindness.

It was much colder in those days obviously. There was still some ozone layer left. This was also when Florence was on the coast, so they used to play on the beach.

Angry waiter in German rip-off shit hole off Piazza Libertà: 'Se volete fare le americanate tornate nei paesi vostre'
Luke: 'Se volete fare le tedescate, andate in Polonia'

Er, Luke is a bit angry

What a gorgeous manager.

The Flemish contingent plans to separate from the rest of the team, or at least hold out for full fiscal federalism.

Er...

He is definitely mental that boy. Good player though.

The disgruntled subs plan an insurrection.

Il Capitano Deve Stare Zitto! IUE 4-2 Romito

Cerreti, Tuesday 26th February 2008. Scorers: Irial, Leo, Luke, Dave H



Act 1 Scene 1:

Characters:
Simon, burly Scottish centreback, likes beer, Celtic and hitting the ball with the outside of his left foot. Captain.
Ref, absolute idiot

Misty pitch, light drizzle, tense atmosphere, a football match is taking place. Simon is fouled.
Simon: 'Porco Dio!'
Ref: 'Ah, quindi lei parla italiano... Porco chi? Porco chi?'
[Players wait for the ref to restart play]
Ref: 'Se lei nomina il Suo nome, lui scendera'... Lei vedra'...'
[Players look on in utter confusion as the ref continues his theological diatribe]

Act 1 Scene 2:
[Ref calls a foul throw against us, for the second time in a minue, neither of the throws were remotely foul throws. Having just booked Luke for suggesting that the previous one might have been 'regolare', the ref is looking for his next victim...]
Simon: 'Oh, arbitro'
Ref: 'Vuol essere ammonito? Allora ecco.'
[Ref brandishes card at Simon]
Simon: 'Ma non c'e' scritto che il capitano puo' parlare con l'arbitro?'
Ref: 'Il capitano deve stare zitto'

Act 2 Scene 1
Characters: Francesco: Annoying token Italian, on the bench having been taken off for singing to many Roma songs.
Luke: Annoying e basta.

[Luke is lining up a free kick about 25 or 26 yards to the left of the goal. The score is 2-2 and there are only a few minutes remaining. He is feigning a run up that makes it look like he will cross, but really planning to shoot. Disguising the fact that he is going to shoot is his main preoocupation.]

Francesco: 'Tira, Luke, tira!'
...
Francesco: 'Luke, tira'
Luke: 'Shut the FUCK up!'
[His cunning plan folied, Luke has no choice but to curl it into the top corner,]

Ah... our favourite ref. What a fucking wanker. No swearing Luke. This man is insane. Their keeper telling him to fuck off and Irial and Leo getting kicked while off the pitch was perfectly acceptable to him also. Ah, what a great guy. Why does he hate us so much? Anyway, what a crazy match. Our celebrations after my goal were the craziest for any goal since I have been at the EUI, showing how important this win was. Davie Horan running through in the third minute of stoppage time and finihsing well, notwithstanding their centreback's attempt to mame him put the icing on the cake.

Okay, so they were only ten men from the start, playing 4-4-1. There would eventually go down to 9 and a half men after one of theirs got injured, and then their manager came on, who was crap. Playing against a team with ten men is often tough, because they are so much sharper positionally and more disciplined. Especially Romito, who have let in very very few goals this season. It didn't help then that we let in two of the most stupid goals ever. Why don't we just let in some normal goals sometimes? They go 1-0 up and then sit back. We dominate and are in complete control of the pitch. We have to be patient, and work hard, and be calm. Some people achieve this better than others, with several players looking decidedly nervous. We eventually get a great goal, after fantastic interplay in their box and a wonderful dummy and then great finish by Irial. Four goals in two games for Mr Glynn now. We spread the play well, and have to switch the ball a lot to try and open up their banks of four. Playing with a sweeper helps this, and we get in behind a few times with long balls from the back into the channels. They then score a goal from a corner. Unmarked men, pinball in the box and in. The corner didn't need to be conceded either. Our communication, so good last week, was lacking in the first half. Okay, 2-1 down at half time, but with them a man and a bit down we are confident we can turn it around. Dave H and Leo come on for Manolo and Norbeto.

The second half is like a training exercise, with us just attacking, and them repelling our attempts pretty effectively. Fair play to them, they defended absolutely brilliantly. Dave M came on in the middle of the park, although captain marvel Simon kept telling him he was playing centre back, and we switched to 3-5-2. It eventually took a brilliant, brilliant goal to get through Romito's defence. With the ball starting with Charles, who rolled it out to me.. I brought it forward and passed it to Mate, who played it inside to Luis, Leo made a great run on the blindside of their fullback and was picked out beautifully, Running at full pace, Leo finished brilliantly in off the far post. Great great goal. Well, you can say what you like about this ref, but he has a good impact on my set pieces. Last time he reffed our game I scored from a corner. Not taking corners any more, I can't really try that now, so I belted in a freekick instead. In the euphoria of the celebrations, in which someone gave me a fat lip, I screamed that it was back to 442. Dave McCourt struggled to get used to the sweeper system for a few minutes as he switched to centreback, proving Simon right after all. They won a couple of free kicks round our box, one of which dropped wickedly towards the goal. Velcro-hands Charles caught it brilliantly. We went up the other end and Dave Horan finished brilliantly. Johnny had a bit a row with their keeper, who, looking at the team sheet, is actually their striker usually I think.

Well, the fans got their money's worth. Always great to see Leo's dad at the game. We should get more parents to come along. Eating pasta with Mate, Charles and Dave Horan after many a cuba libre at 7 in the morning was an unexpected but great way to end the night. Well played lads. Well done in particular to Ernesto who was outstanding (again) in the centre of the park. We looked great in our new kits, courtesy of the Oil Shoppe. Drop in and get a sandwich and an American girl's number, or you could just ask Dom for one, as he has quite a few on his sim. Okay, Training on Friday. Pub crawl on Saturday. Game v S Frediano on Monday. No training on Sunday therefore.

Team: (1-3-4-1-1) Charles - Luke - Mate, Simon, Dom (Dave M) - Manolo (Leo (Nate)), Luis, Ernesto, Francesco (Johnny) - Norberto (Dave H) - Irial

Pass and Move it's the IUE groove. Crystal Piazza 0-5 IUE

Romagnoli, Wed 21 Feb 2008. Scorers: Manolo, Luis, Irial (3)

Pass and Move is a novelty song released by Liverpool FC for their (losing) appearance in the 1996 FA Cup Final. It includes such lyrical gems as 'Rush has scored more than all the rest/Respect to the Liverbird upon his chest.' Anyway, A couple of interesting things happened after last night's game. One, I found about about how Ali checks to see whether her jeans need washing. Ask her, it's, erm, interesting. Two, I had a violent nose bleed at six in the morning while unwinding reading Sebastian Faulks.

After our excellent performance last night, I think I will take it easy with this match report. I am a litttle bit sleepy to be honest. So, with some of our star players missing Miguel had to be brought in last minute for Francesco after the latter didn't bring his ID. Lucky that, that Miguel was right there in the changing room. I bet he doesn't remember though. The opposition had a new tactic: not wear the same colour shorts or socks, and have a stupid tricolour shirt (purple, white and yellow - not even the shirt of their side, but that of SanCat, the team that owns that pitch. The idea was to get the ball on the floor and make it do the work, getting the opposition to do all the running. The Romagnoli pitch is easily the best in the league - I actually wanted to get it for us - so big and such a great surface. We used it fantastically. Playing with a sweeper has opened up the pitch for us a lot, and we scored three goals in the first half that all started with the ball at the back. Simple but quick passing and moving put us in so many times that we couldn't fail to score a few. Manolo, Luis and Irial all finished off great moves. We also missed bucket loads of chances. We could have been 6 or 7 up at half time. We defended competently, knowing when to gett rid, but more importantly when to play it. We won headers and made clearances well. The ref gave them a few dodgy freekicks around our box but we dealt with them calmly. Thankfully he didn't give them a penalty for a couple of claims they had. We mised the play up well, with a great combination of short passing, long balls into the channels and crosses.

Three-nil at half time. Simon, captain for the day, was worrying about the Celtic result. I was worried about covering the spaces better and winning more of the second balls in the mdfield. They put an extra man upfront in the second half, and played more long balls, but achieved as little penetration as a timid first year EUI economics researcher. Our wingers got tired, and we looked less fluid as we covered the spaces less readily. We still played some absolutely beautiful stuff, with Irish heading in a cross from the left, and then getting his hattrick with an absolutely belting volley after Johnny, just on as sub, headed it into his path. They missed a generously awarded penalty(we knew he would give them something). A am glad that boy missed it in particular because he was a **** (insert for own expletive). He had socked Mate in the ear and studded me in the back of the leg. Ha. Charles' reaction was great.

I was determined to get through this game without conceding, and screamed manically for the last few minutes for people to carry on working, carry on marking, carry on covering the spaces. I make no apologies for doing this. 5-0 was a deserved result, and it could easily have been so many more. A great performance on a great pitch. We even got quite a few fans all the way over there. Debut for Jeremy after a year and a half of coming to training. Well done to everyone. Some great performances - everyone played well actually. It's only three points though. Thanks to Si for missing the Celtic game for us. Training Friday at 9 at Cerreti

Also, great to see Alex Trechsel last night in Finnegan, then at the Baraccio, then at the new Kitsch pub. We missed you in that fight last week mate.

Team (1-3-4-1-1): Charles - Luke - Mate, Simon, Dom - Manolo, Luis, Ernesto, 'Miguel' (Johnny) - Norberto (Jeremy) - Irial

The Perils of V.D. IUE 1-1 Serpiolle

Tuesday, 13th February, 2008. Cerreti. Scorer: Own Goal!

Er... fights, eh? Nothing like a good fight to bring a team together. To be honest, I wish we'd kicked the shit out of those bastards last week, who seem to have slightly evolved beyond their neanderthal status to be able to use the internet and even find our website to leave oh-so-scary threats. In any case, last night we had a fight, involving about 18 people, which is always fun, as well as our legion of fans banging on their fence - not quite sure what their goal was, but it made the scene much tougher. Like WWF, only real. Strange one that, Leo getting sent off for being PUNCHED IN THE HEAD. I still can't believe the ref's antics - asking me to give him the number of a player to send off for our team (you know, a number of my choice...) or he would SUSPEND THE MATCH. While a would have loved to have sold Leo out for being a pussy and falling over so dramatically, I obviously told the ref where to get off. So he sends Leo off. The one man not involved in the ruckus because he was lying on the ground nursing his head. What can I say? We have appealed, I got the other team to tell the ref after the game he had made a mistake, they were full of apologies for the whole thing too. Nothing will happen, I fear. Leo will be suspended, Great. Thanks ref.

So... to the perils of VD... In the words of a famous hip hop group, There comes a time in every mans life when he's gotta handle up on his own/Can't depend on friends to help you in a sqeeze, please they got problems of their own. (Anyone?). One of those things is VD... even worse is an unwanted nickname, especially if it is VD. What Dom has going for him is that he will be able to explain to women put off by this name that it doesn't actually mean he's got the clap, but instead it only stands for Violent Dom. 'Oh,' they'll say. 'Okay,' as they slowly slide away never to be seen again. Grande Leo, for such a great name. Leo in Finnegan: 'Dom, you are violent Dom. No, VD.' (VD is short for venerial disease, by the way, an STI in modern parlance - a sexually transmitted infection.) This all comes from the fact that Dom threw a slightly wonky punch in the melé, and probably should have been sent off instead of Leo. So keep safe, watch out for that VD. A few of us got stuck in, which was good to see. Not Mark Jones though, which was a surprise, but, as Irial said, that was probably because he was fighting with someone else somewhere else on the pitch. Probably for an unrelated incident.

Ah the match, only very quickly, because I know you all have busy lives, what with checking your emails, facebooks, and myspaces all day. Having only two left backs at our disposal in terms of out and out defenders, we started with a back four with a sweeper, playing a kind of 1-3-4-1-1. We still look reluctant to be calm on the ball and spread the play, in particular in midfield, which should be the strongest area in this team. Distribution from the back has often been a problem in this side, hampering our ability to get going with the ball, but this wasn't the case yesterday, as the defenders passed it around with much assurance than the midfield, who looked laboured, slow, unfit and tense. We still worked some good stuff though, and our best moves came when we switched the ball across the back and attacked down the wings. Irial played a sublime ball into debutant Francesco, who, er, might have done better. We looked pretty solid but rarely sparkled. The centre of midfield looked sparce and we struggled to win second balls in there. I know it's not good form to call out people on this website, but LUIS and DAVID HORAN, you need to get fitter. We need more dynamism in that area. They scored a classic counter attack goal, as their rampaging players overtook ours and they got in behind and scored a tap in. Come on lads, they were five-on-three in our box, it's ridiculous. This came after we were awarded a free kick in their box after Irial was kicked in the face. Kicked in the fucking face! How is this not a penalty? Kicked in the face, for god's sake. The rest of the half we stuttered along, and we came in 1-0 down, but clearly a much better side than them.

Leo came on, soon to depart, as we now know. In the meantime we took the game to them quite well, with their quick breaks easily dealt with with our new sweeper system, which nullified the danger of balls over the top, which we often used to struggle with. Jeremy compared me to Tron, whatever the fuck that is. This allowed our full backs to push in more too. We put on the pressure, and were amazingly denied a stonewall penalty TWICE in the space of about half a second, as two of our players were absolutely CLATTERED in the box. Corner, obviously. Ha, own goal - great header into the top corner from the cross. Okay, here we go, let's get a second. Then the fight goes off, the ref gets scared like last week, of the violent team, so sends off one of ours. My uncle used to have a dog that would love to join in with violence, but always on the side of the person dishing it out. These refs are a bit like that. We had a scare a couple of times at the end when we failed to intercept balls in the channels which we clearly ours. Too much hesitation. Playing one up front it was tough to hold the ball up there, but Johnny came on for VD and Irial moved into midfield, and the young Mr Ash caused them a lot of problems.

A kid came on for them up front, as was visibly shaken by the fight. A gave him a friendly handshake and told him welcome to hell. Mark then scared him even more when he claimed, not unreasonably, that a foul by Mate had actually been a foul. Obviously it was a foul, although I argued that it was the greatest injustice since Ashley Cole was told he'd only be paid 60 grand a week by Arsenal. 'Era fallo,' says the kid timidly. 'Ti faccio vedere io cos'è un fallo,' said Mark. Poor kid. Serpiolle is also the team who broke one of their own legs earlier this year. They kept trying to repeat the trick, and must have crashed into each other about five times during this game. Very strange. 1-1 final score. Should have one, but a better performance than last week. We need our midfielders doing more - more passes and crosses to the strikers!

Beware the dangers of VD.

Team: David - Luke - Mark, Simon, Mate - Manolo, Dave H, Luis, Dom (Johnny) - Francesco (Leo), Irial.

Sorry again to the subs who did not get on last night - the game went kind of crazy, and severely restricted the possibilities of making changes. THANK YOU FROM THE TEAM FOR BEING THERE AND SUPPORTING US. You will play soon!

Thanks also to all our fans last night! There were loads of you! Fantastic.

Murder in the dark. Villoreal 2-1 IUE

Thursday 6th February, 2008. Scorer: Dave H.

Murder in the dark is some kind of parlour game played in england by children during wet dinner times and on the last day of term when teachers can't be arsed to do any teaching, and by posh people. I can't remember the rules or really anything about the game. I wish I couldn't remember anything about yesterday's game either, which was a bit like murder in the dark, as Villoreal's bunch of wankers (see first match report of the season also) carried out several serious assaults on our players on the darkest pitch in the world, while the hapless ref ate our of their hands and made it impossible for us to get going again after we had thrown away the advantantage of a great start and a promising opening half hour of play.

Our new 3-5-2 worked very well for an extended period in the first period, with the defence looking assured and calm, and the midfield taking advantage of the extra man, soon culminating in a well worked goal for davie horan, after luis had played him in down the channel. It was a cross, but we only score with crosses these days. I have never seen an EUI side so wasteful with the ball as we were in this game. It was impressively bad at times. We were on top for ten minutes after we took the lead, then lost all ability to pass, move, follow men, look up, or communicate. They laid siege to our penalty area, and eventually got a goal that reflected the way we were playing, a misplace clearance riocheted off me and into their no. 32's path who slotted home. Half time. Manolo and Nate on. Both make inmmediate impacts, getting in behind. Our last chances of the game.

They try and break Nate's leg, and nearly succeed. I have, I think never been so angry on a football pitch. Yellow card, for a man who should have already have been sent off in the first half for a disgraceful foul on Leo who was clean through. How this foul on Nate is not a red card I just don't know. Somehow the incident ends with their FUCKING WANKER of a ginger player, on the bench, suspended as per, running onto the pitch to threaten me, and then collude with the ref to tell me that I should shut up or I would be sent off. Unbelievable. Next incident of note is Dave Horan getting assaulted - kicked and attempted blow to the head - ref is looking the wrong way, hears commotion, turns round and GIVES THEM A FREE KICK. Great. They score a header which bounces in front of the unlucky Charles from a corner. Great. We need to learn to block people's runs. It is not fouling. You can't just stand there and let them head it off a clean run at it. That scorer is a fucking dick too. Their Crouch-like player, previously described on this website on a token nice guy in a team full of wankers, turns out to be Costanza from the EUI's cousin. Dave M fraternises with him. Dave - stop fraternising. This is war yo.

We look terrible on the ball. I hit full sprint pace a couple of times to get across to cover men who had got in behind our wing backs. Our midfield is invisible for the entire second half. This is just not good enough. We might as well have just not had anyone there. Granted, the ref's handling of the game made in almost inpossible to play, but we did ourselves no favours. We had the ball enough to do something with it, and we were unwilling, unable and disbelieving.

All this played out in beneath the worst floodlights ever. They point inwards from a third of the way into the pitch. Goalmouths and corners are pitch black. To add insult to injury the crappy little lights turn on and off at regular intervals, making it some kind of poor man's rave with the world's crappoest strobe lights. Good job no one was epileptic.

Very difficult to take positives from this game. An excellent twenty minutes showed what we could do. A dreadful rest of the game was much more telling. I am going to unilaterally declare that my switch to sweeper was just about the only genuinely successful aspect of this match. Training tomorrow and Sunday. If you have any self-respect you will be there, as we all need it.
Get well soon Nate. Hi Frat Buddies.

Team: Charles - Simon, Luke, Dave M - Leo (Manolo), Luis, Ernesto (Andrew), Dom (Nate), Mate - Dave H (Johnny), Irial.

TRAINING TOPS

Just think how much better this picture would have look if everyone it in had a training top on!

(Back row: Norberto, Miguel, Habib, Luke, Simon, Sebastian, Irial, Ernesto, Charles, William; Purgatory: Mate, Andrew, Johnny; Front Row: Luis, Tim, Manolo, Dave M, Nate, Dom, Leo. Picture taken by: JZA)

Okay, after months of threatening, we can finally actually get our official IUE CALCIO training tops. This is thanks to a very kind sponsorship deal with The Blob. There will probably be a small contribution needed from each player of about 10 euros per top, this will depend on how many we get and what kind of special price we can get...

Anyway, you need to reply to this post with:
YOUR NAME
YOUR SIZE
YOUR PREFERRED SQUAD NUMBER

see above right for which numbers are still available! Those sought after ones in the thirties and forties are yet to be snatched up!

Reply A.S.A.P. (Reply on here, not via email, so you can see what numbers have been taken and whatever, innit)

Another suberb IUE performance. Sporting Club 0-2 IUE

Wow, what a game. After Glencross and Mate were sent off for calling each other names in the first minute, and new boy Ryan was stretchered off after 10 seconds after getting injured from disbelief at the antics of our ref and opposition, we somehow managed to pull off a spectacular win. With 65,000 people watching, and another 3,000 locked outside, Simon MacBride's 84 yard diving header into the top corner, and Arnout's curling free kick from the outskirts of Rome, gave us a 2-0 victory. Tijl missed an open goal in the last minute.

Team: Diego Maradona, Luca Toni, Banana Man, Jason Lee, Mario Mendez, Anne-Bailey Edwards, Borghese il gatto, Valentino Pagliari, Ivan Todd, Yves Meny, Roger Federer.