Goalkeeping, Teamwork and Lovenests. IUE 1-1 Cavallina

Tuesday 18th December 2007, Cerreti. Scorer: Mark (pen)

Now, I suspect many of us, round about the age of 8 or 9 years old, flirted with the idea of being a goalkeeper. Maybe some of us even bought a pair of gloves, or even a goalie shirt. Maybe we insisted our hero was the goalkeeper of our favourite team. THERE comes a time though when ordinary people have to let go of this dream, when they discover the the better things in life and abandon the solitary solace of the muddy goalmouth, and start to look for more excitement. Cars, women, playing on the pitch. Some people, the proverbial 'last pick' in the playground, remain goalkeepers though, never graduating from that number one spot, either through being kept in there by their peers or because they have found their niche as see no reason to come out from under the crossbar. In the past two and a half years we have had a few people who have entirely voluntarily gone in goal for this side: Barnaby, that French kid with the long hair and, of course, the founding father of the internet, apparently, Tom Gilmour. In that period we have also had a fair few other fill-in keepers: Fabian, Andrew (who got knocked out doing it), Igor, Nate, Charles, to name a few, and now me.

It is often true of keepers that they are so unpopular that even the grass doesn't bother to grow where they stand. Well, we don't play on grass so I felt pretty popular as I let in a goal in the first minute without having touched the ball. Brilliant. Bad defensive error, and not a good thing to do given our potentially fragile mentality what with a relatively makeshift line-up, with Dom and Mate starting togther in the middle of the park, Tijl on the right, and Leo on the left, and Jonny and David up front. Simon came in at centre back for his first start of the season and Andrew moved back to his beloved rightback spot. Here we go, I thought. To our great credit though, I acted as nothing more than a glorified sweeper for the next 78 minutes, as we put on our best team performance of the season, with great variation form Dom and Mate, great selfless running from David and Jonny and an outstanding performance from the entire defence, in particular Simon who played better than than I have ever seen him play before, and who was probably man of the match. In the 80th minute I finally had something to do again, after Mark had leveled with a penalty, as Jason Lee (google it if you don't know) closed in on me after the ball skipped off Si's head. It honestly didn't seem a weird thing to do at the time, but the comments, bemusement and laughs from almost everyone at the end of the game made me think that maybe it wasn't the done keeper thing to do to take it off the striker's toe, shimmy past him and dribble forward out of the box. I was honestly going to carry on going until I remembered what position I was playing.

After the game we were told by Tijl of women's sexuality in bar fiasco, the manifestation of which is somehow summed up in the Vanneste classic of 'come into my lovenest'. Ask Mark. Would it be mean at this point to say that Tijl missed the biggest open goal I have seen in years in the last minute of this game? Slightly. We all know that it could have happened to any of us. We also hit the post and had three cleared off the line in the first half as we showed great discipline to keep our shape and keep the ball moving, with people constantly giving options to the man on the ball. We looked confident in possession, and, after our first minute lapse, secure at the back. Simon summed it up when he broke down the play, dribbled out of defence, pushed Mate out of the way, continued forward and pinged it out to Leo who was storming down the left.

This game was also of note because of the fact that it was the first one I have played for the EUI where the wind has been a factor, with it being so hard in the first half that I had tears in my eyes. It also made life as a goalkeeping a goalkeeping sweeper easy, as everything came through to me. In the second half, with the wind at our back we perhaps didn't tr your luck enough with shots from around the box, even though I was screaming to do it after their keeper got injured (twice). Our great play finally got the goal it deserved when Jonny won us a penalty (although the bizarre decision to punch it also had something to do with it). Mark did a little dance with the keeper on the penalty spot and then fell out with him after he'd slotted it home. For once, we all enjoyed Mark's display of aggression! Leo did a Mario Mendez after he disgracefully fouled their full back who was ushering the ball out over the goal line and then picked up the ball and twatted at the guy. Hmmm. Fair enough. It turned out that Leo had influenced some of our impressionable young players as David followed suit and got booked for a similar thing. All very amusing, until you all get suspended, like bad boy Irial for this game. I spent most of the second half absolutely freezing to death, with the equally cold, but slightly better wrapped up fans kept amused by my attempts to keep warm. Markie Jones did a great job of making sure everyone heard all my instructions at least twice as he bellowed my calls verbatim up the pitch.

Andrew also got booked when he crocked their player, Fabian style in their box, when he simply failed to realise that you can't score a trademark cross when the ball is simply not there. Eek. Last few seconds, Dom does brilliantly in the box, skips past a couple hits it at goal, deflected, runs across the face, miss. Oh well. Two points dropped, but a good performance, another comeback, great character and discipline ans selflessness, and now five unbeaten. We played very well, made easily enough chances to win it comfortably, gave them only a chance and a half and stopped them from playing and had them on the back foot for the whole game. A great performance from a lot of players who have all done easily enough to keep their place for the next game, which after the Christmas break at Sales vs Sporting Club Firenze. Bagsy not in goal.

We also (maybe) saw Arnout play his last (and outstanding) game for the EUI. Good luck Arnout! We will all miss you, especially Mark.

Another thing of note: of the twelve in the squad for this game there were only four PhD researchers. Me, Mark, Tijl and David. Where are the other 300 or so? Fourth place at Christmas. A few wins and we're right up there.

Team: Luke - Andrew, Arnout, Simon, Mark - Tijl, Mate, Dom, Leo - Jonny, David.

Shameless plug: PHOTO EXHIBITION AT THE BLOB

Three of los fantasticos are featured in a fantastic portrait photo exhibition at the Blob by our good friend, and brilliant photographer, Filiz Gumusaneli. Friday til Sunday. Launch on Friday with aperitivo with from 7pm onwards Friday. Two for one drinks with Dom Brucciani DJing. Don't worry Glencross, no hip-hop. You racist.

The pictures are all for sale. You can buy this one of me for your girlfriend. My nana has her eye on it though, so you'll have to outbid her.

Middle of the Road and Middle of the Park. Super Sub Dave McCourt. Sporting 2003 2-2 IUE

Monday, 10th December 2007. Bisenzio, San Piero a Ponti.

Last week we learned of the evil of Andrew Glencross and how racism is key to the success of the right, in particular in scoring with crosses. Although, characteristically of the right, Glencross has moved to the centre in recent times (to centre back), his true colours came out last week. Dave McCourt is a different political, social and footballing animal; he comes from the centre ground. The midfield as we sometimes call it. Self professed 'middle of the road' McCourt came on at half time and stole the right wing with a bursting run from the centre and scored another cross for the EUI. Comes from the centre but governs from the right.

Last season I mentioned after the game at Cavallina that me and Irial were scared because we couldn't swim. It wasn't quite that bad last night, although half the pitch was very similar to a swamp. I actually think this game might not have been played in England - the usual 'does the ball bounce?' test would clearly not have been met, as balls do not bounce in six inches of wet mud. Now, Davo MCCourt was keen to stress, somewhat apologetically, his middle of the road music tastes last night, when we were discussing the first albums we ever bought. Quite right for someone who will be working in the Ministry for the Empire or wherever it is that right wing civil servants work these days. Mate was banging on about some weird style of music. ?Bigger than hip-hop' it was allegedly. I know who Chuck Brown is Tokic, don't worry. Maybe if Go-Go had made it bigger than hip-hop we never would have had the great lyric that was clearly about last night's experience: And I'm the dirtiest thing in sight/Matter of fact bring out the girls and let's have a mudfight. Anyone? WITHOUT looking it up on the internet this time Alex!

Anyway, Sporting are an average side who now how to play on this surface: It involves a highly effective, but unsophisticated tactic of playing a 4-4-2 with advanced strikers and wingers who push on the opposition's backline down the opposite flank to the ball, waiting for it to be switched by the central midfielders forward into the opposite channel. They never had a move of more than three passes, but it was effective against us last year, when we never won, or even drew, a game on one of these mud pitches. The idea was to dominate midfield, push our strikers forward and look for balls into their paths and down the wings. The backline was to be deep to counteract their balls over the top. We struggled at first on the very very heavy pitch, especially because we were attacking in the half that was much worse, with puddles everywhere. Our marking was too slack at the back, and talking was minimal. They got in behind once and Charles blocked well. They got in again and burried it. Typical Sporting move, and a goal we should have avoided. Just because the ball is over the other side of the park doesn't mean we should stop following our men. 1-0 down.

We adapt to the conditions and me and Nate swap wings. We start to have success down both of them, and really take the game to them. The balls splashes across their goalmouth a couple of times and we have good chances from a couple of corners and crosses.We are really getting stuck in. Me and Markie are perhaps lucky not to be booked for obviously deliberate fouls from behind. Benefit of the doubt in the conditions I guess. We start to play well in the middle, with us finally starting to try and play in wide or forward as soon as we get it. It seems only a matter of time. Unfortunately they get a counter attack corner and score a one in a million goal from it, after Irial cleared well and it landed right on the boot of their lad who was dropping out of the box. His volley was going wide but it deflects of the head of one of their players and goes past the wrong-footed Charles. 2-0. Half-time.

Dave M comes in for Luis to get some more steel into the middle and give us fresh legs on a tiring pitch. That he hasn't played the first half is evident as he races around the pitch at twice the speed as everyone else. We are more confident in the better half and spread the ball well. We spend most of the half attacking down the right, and have a lot of success. We win a throw half way into their half. Dave darts into the space down the line and I take the throw quickly and long into his path towards the box. He whips it across, over the keeper and in. A GlenCross. I almost get an identical one a couple of minutes later, and we look on top. Their defence is trembling and their midfielders have much deeper starting positions and are more laboured going forward. This plays into our hands and we take it to them. Leo comes on and more fresh legs give us energy down the left. He tracks back brilliantly at one point (shock, horror, Leo defending!) and thwarts a dangerous counter attack of theirs. Dom comes on down the right for Go-Go boy Tokic and has fun slipping all over the place. We start to look tired and vulnerable to counter attacks but excellent when we attack. We get in behind a couple of times but the balls across don't quite finish in the back of the net.

We are really pinging it around now, and easily the best move of the game ends up with Irial on the ball 25 yards out. He cuts back inside his man and plays it into the outside right channel into my path. Tempted to shoot, I cut back inside the man and wait for Irial to come square and roll it into his path. He sizes it up and curls into beautifully into the top corner. Fantactic goal. 2-2. Jonny and Tijl cause them some scares in the last couple of minutes, but the game is over. 2-2. A great fightback, again. Un pareggio che vale una vittoria. We should be very pleased with this result, what with the pitch, the opposition's expertise in playing on it and the fact that we were 2-0 down. The second week in a row we have made a change in the middle of the park that has changed the game. Well done everyone. An excellent second half performance, and a fighting spirit to be proud of. Another thing to note, especially for the conspiracy theorists: our last 10 goals have all been by anglophones. Anyway, I'll lend you some CDs and a copy of Il Manifesto, Davo.

Team: Charles - Mate (Dom), Andrew, Arnout, Mark - Luke (Tijl), Luis (Dave M), Sebastian, Nate (Leo) - David BS (Jonny), Irial

Andrew Glencross and the epistemic and ethical wrongs of right wing politics. IUE 4-3 Medici Fiorentini

Tuesday, 4th December 2007. Cerreti. Scorers: Irial, Mark (pen), Luke, Andrew

Now, 'wrong' is a powerful word in the English language. The reason for this is the formidable combination of both epistemically and morally misplaced views which this adjective connotes. Now, if I can make this slightly editorial, if one thing is definitely wrong it is reactionary right wing thinking, in any guise, and if anyone in the history of IUE Calcio it is Andrew Glencross. This is the kind of kid who goes onto the Guardian website just to get pissed off by its overly leftist leanings. I say 'goes onto'... I mean spends every day scouring it.

Now, right wing politics, which we stipulatively define here as the irrational and reactionary attachment to certain perceived traditional or conservative values which tend towards retaining a status quo based on existing structures of disadvantage, is clearly an epistemic mistake, from the assumption that any structure of power should reflect an aspiration of social justice, even given most right wing rhetorical leanings towards values such as equality of individual interests, because such a political system reflecting such backward views would never achieve such aspirations. Similarly, holding such views is clearly ethically mistaken as it would be wrong to believe in the value of a political system which does not reflect an aspiration for genuine social justice.

However, accusing the right winger of both evil and stupidly is slightly harsh: If they are just stupid, they have just got their facts wrong about the logistics of social justice. They want social justice, they are just too thick to realise how to achieve it. Conversely, if they are aware of the flaws of their irrational views, they are not epistemically mistaken, but instead exclusively morally flawed, as they simply do not possess the altruism necessary to desire a genuine quantum of social justice. For them to be in this morally questionable situation, they must be aware of the ineffectual nature of right wing politics in achieving social justice. As such, it would seem that Andrew Glencross is either evil or stupid but not both. Now, I know Andrew has a PhD from the EUI and some degrees from Cambridge, but that doesn't't necessarily mean he is stupid. I think we should seriously consider the possibility that he is genuinely evil...

So, Andrew has played, quite evilly, for the EUI for four and half years, and must be the record appearance holder. In that time, he has been a player, a manager and a captain. For some time, he has been the proud owner of three own goals which he has put past his own keeper over the years. Two in one game apparently. Brilliant, mate.

Last night, last minute, 3-3 after a great comeback, Andrew gets the ball thirty yards out after hesitating too long after I had played it wide to him from a free kick in the centre. It rebounds to him, he nudges it into the space, and curls it towards the goal, quite racistly. The keeper, obviously a La Nazione reader and AN voter, takes pity on him and lets it go into the top corner. Glencross wins it from 25 yards in the last minutes. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. Well done, Benito.

All this after the craziest match we've been involved in for ages. A great start and an early lead, cancelled out after some woeful play and then even more woeful play left us 3-1 down with half an hour to go. A great comeback, and a dramatic winner, all witnessed by our favourite wanker of a ref, left a jubilant side celebrating a win which we should have sown up after 20 minutes but didn't guarantee until the last seconds.

This was a game which saw a great postmatch team spirit after a slow mooch down to Finnegan. A pissed off Marina throwing a throng of us out before we headed to Roberto's for a good while, before 10 of us headed down to the Blob with our shiny new AICS cards until 4, when half of us headed round Markie Jones' place until 6. That's the way to celebrate a last minute 4-3 win.

Okay, the match. I think what described it best, notwithstanding all the positive hyperbole, was my opening line of the half time team talk: 'This is a fucking disgrace'. We did well to eventually claim the win in this game, but we should be beating this side five or six nil. This is the team of Florentine doctors, by the way, with doctors' insignia on their shirt. They were all over 35 bar one or two and we should have hammered them. Somehow we threw away a great start, after we capitalised on good pressure when David fought hard and won the ball in their box, looked up and picked out Irial, who passed it in. With a much changed midfield, with me and Luis dropping out, and Davie Horan missing (although he would have been on the bench too after last week), the idea was to overpower them in the middle and play from their. Unfortunately we completely lost it and forgot how to play football. The last twenty minutes of the first half were terrible. with almost no meaningful passes reaching their men, and us chasing the ball. They equalised through a converted rebound off a freekick, and then a tap-in after a squared ball across the goal after we gave them the ball. Offside? Yes. Didn't matter. They would have scored even if they had stayed onside.

Half time. Anger, anger, anger. Relax on the ball. Be decisive at the back. We do neither and let in a terrible third goal. 3-1. No way we're losing this. David hits the post almost immediately. Luis comes on for Dave M, and I come on for David BS. We play in their half for the next 20 minutes non-stop. We start to look dangerous from set pieces and crosses and the goal is coming. I pop up on the left and Luis squares in to me, I lift it up and dink it into Leo's path as he runs into the box towards goal. Wrestled down: Penalty. Brilliant penalty by Mark. 2-3. Quarter of an hour left. Plenty of time. We pile on the pressure. The amount of space is phenomenal. We get a corner. Ref doesn't know you have to be 10 yards away. UNBELIEVABLE: Luke gets pissed off. Some of you might have noticed I have been trying to score with corners this year. No-one was keeping this one out. Goal direct from a corner. Best goal I've ever scored I would say, and first for the EUI in over 20-something matches. 'Bout fucking time. 3-3. I was pretty fucking pshyched, as Nate might say. Hi frat buddies.

Ref goes mental. This motherfucker is absolutely deranged. Not capable of taking charge of remote control let alone a football match between 22 hotheaded males. Calls a series of unbelievable fouls against us. Books Irial and Mark for absolutely no reason. We ride our luck. They hit the post at one point, although I was never scared they were scoring there.

We get a freekick 45 yards out. I faint to cross, roll it to Andrew. Glencross fucks up the cross and the ball comes back to him. He lofts it goalwards from 25 yards, Goal. 4-3. Thatcher would be proud, the way he occupied that space on the right, overcame numerous inherent problems of immorality and incorrectness and snatched a win. 2007 just like 1979. Andrew Glencross: wrong, evil or wrong, thick?

Mentions also for: Mate's continued wearing of red trousers. Good for you sir. Mate's beard. Arnout's Mark-like spack-out at the ref. Roberto's donation of all the left over sandwiches when we left the baraccio.

Team: Charles - Mate, Arnout, Andrew, Mark - Nate, Sebastian, Dave M (Luis), Leo (Jonny) - Irial, David BS (Luke)

Saturday: Fundraising party at FINNEGAN, v S Gallo, with Hatton-Mayweather to follow if we are nice to Si and Toby.

Red Trousers. Casellina 0-0 IUE

Monday 26th November 2007, Turri, Scandicci.

[uh-oh, there have been some strange back end formatting bugs in this post, which keep reappearing. I have tried to fix them all now!]

There is a great piece of dialogue in one of my favourite Simpsons episodes: Bart walks in wearing a colourful hawaian shirt, Homer, who is becoming worried that Bart may be gay, says to Marge, "There's only two kinds of guys who wear Hawaian shirts: Gay guys and big fat party animals, and I don't think Bart's a big fat party animal." As far as I understand, there are only two kinds of guy who wear red trousers: Dutch guys and Italian guys, and I don't think Mate is either of those things. I don't really know where this is going, but Mate was definitely wearing red trousers last night. Not sure if IUE Calcio players should be seen in red trousers when they are neither Italian or Dutch men in midlife crises.

A nil-nil result is a rare thing in EUI football. My first one in two and a half seasons here. When was the last one, anybody? This was against a team who we trounced twice last year in two relatively open games. This was a less then open game, although they had a bit of an open goal in the first half, which they convenienly missed. We started with a little bit of rejigged front six, with Leo moving up front, Irial back into midfield, Dave H staying on the left where he made so much impact last week in the second half, with me switching to the right. Assistant Boss Graham, although he didn't tell me this til AFTER the match, also thought we should start with this formation, so I feel vindicated in doing it, but we never really got a chance to see how it might work, as we proceeded to gift Casellina the ball all the time, with us only having one coherent move in the whole first half, and only really looking a threat from crossed freekicks. In difficult foggy conditions, they played much more effectively than us, although to say they played well would be pushing it and not emphasising enough the extent to which we gifted them the initiative. We dwelled on the ball too long, played inaccurate passes and dropped too deep in midfield. We lloked laboured as we chased the ball all half and gave it away as soon as we got it. There is no point playing a high defensive line (which was exceptional last night, and our saviour in the first half), if our midfield plays only five yards in front of it. We could get the ball moving and repeatedly gave it to them who would just punt it forward and three times had good chances without really ever stringing a move together. They bypassed the midfield a lot when they had the ball and dominated it when we had it, with three central midfielders.

Lucky to be level at half time, Mate came on at right back, Dave moved to seconda punta and Leo to right wing, with me going to left wing in an attempt to have 1. someone who would come short and collect the ball from a static midfield, and 2. keep the midfield more compact and narrow in an attempt to have 4 against their 3 with more space for our full backs to overlap. We played relatively well for 20 minutes, although failed to really create any good chances, but played in their half for long spells with them doing all the running. Luis started playing some incisive passes and Dave H looked sharp. Mate and Mark made good use of the extra space that our more compact midfield shape gave them. Dave Horan picked up and ankle injury and Norberto came on. We failed to capitalise on our better possession and territorial domination, with the game simply being more comfortable rather than particularly enthralling. We had a shakey last few minutes as confusion reigned at the back, and they had a relatively good chance but put a tame effort straight at Charles. Arnout came in, followed by Tijl and Jonny, although the game was looking destined for a draw at this point.

The first half was the worst we have played for a long, long time, far worse than any game this season. The second half was competent at best. With the chances they had, including one great one, and how we had to dig in to secure the draw, we definitely have to look at this as a point won on the night rather than two dropped, unlike every other point we have dropped this season. Sometimes the parachute just doesn't open. Red trousers though...

Team: Charles - Dom (Mate), Andrew, Dave M, Mark - Luke (Tijl), Irial, Luis, Dave H (Nobby) - Leo (Arnout), Nate (Jonny)

Nate's Scoring. Wipes the floor with his keeping. IUE 4-2 Speranza

Tuesday, 20th November 2007. Scorers: Dave H, Nate 2, Irial

Every so often when I get bored I check out who has been visiting this website. As you would expect most visits are from Florence and round about, and then there visits every so often from places around Europe: England, France, Germany... Oldboys checking up on our fortunes. Some are from even further afield. Brazil, Australia, India, China, Russia. However, a while ago we started getting regular hits from numerous American states, in particular East Coast ones. Nate has obviously been telling his frat boy buddies that he is playing Soccer in Europe. Hi frat buddies. Nate would obviously love to think they were reading about his downward header after a great move and a beautiful cross from the left to put us 2-1 up, or his belter of a drive from the edge of the box that sealed our win after giving the keeper no chance. Well, I think it would be better to concentrate on his two missed chances when he was through on goal after he first came on. Rubbish, Nate! You have shamed your fraternity.

Also, Charles in goal (in for Nate, as it happens), okay, you may be playing in goal for the first time, and you might have made two phenomenal saves, but how did you fail to stop that perfectly placed penalty of theirs? And why didn't you save their second goal? Don't think being kicked in the head is an excuse! Nice hat though. A cross between Buffon and Bob Marley.

Okay, finally a win, after so many heroic failures over the past weeks. We went 1-0 down to a penalty, but held our nerve, were patient, came to dominate the game and eventually pulled clear to secure the win. We should be pleased with our resolve, but I actually think, apart from 10 minutes at the end of the first half and the first twenty minutes of the second half, we were not particularly outstanding yesterday, gifted a couple of chances to a not particularly good side, and struggled to get into our rhythm for much of the game.

We started with Dave H back in the midfield, withe the same compact 4, with me on the left and Leo on the right, with Dave M back in the heart of defence, and Irial back up front. The idea, against our slow and static opposition was to play expansive attacking football and use the space that their deep defence should have given us. Having tighter wingers meant space for Dom and Mark on the wings, which they made good use of, and they were often our outlets on the overlap. We struggled to really make the most of the space or the ball though, with lots of misplaced passes and failure to make the right runs and really push onto their sweeper. They got in behind us twice, missed a good chance and then got a penalty after the ball hit Mark's arm. Okay, not deliberate, but most refs would give it. God pen. 1-0 down.

We are dominant but not brilliant. Triangles break down because of lack of concentration and the lack of runs. We get caught with the ball in our feet a lot, and we look reluctant to play expansively. We need to be more ambitious. To prove the point, Luis and Dave H combine brilliantly to put Davie through, who shimmies past the keeper and slots home. Great goal.

1-1 at half time. Main ideas: Exploit the spaces better. This requires Nate's energy and explosiveness. Luis and Dave are told to be more ambitious and aggressive with their passing, and Dom and Mark have to think of themselves as wide playmakers, with all their great running and the space they are finding. We look much more cohesive in the second half. Nate's impact is superb, with us now stretching our play the length of the pitch. Irial pushes further up and the ball skids around with purpose. We have a series of excellent moves, and chances are missed, but the goal is clearly coming. Leo has to come off with an injury, and Mate comes on and gives us more width on that side. We throw caution to the wind slightly, as Speranza are looking cotti, Irial moves into midfield and Dave H to leftwing, with David BS coming on upfront. Nate grabs a great header after a beautiful beautiful cross from the left, and a great move before that. Irial gets a similar one and then Nate smashes in our fourth. Johnny and Simon come on for spells up front and both show great touches. Soon to be a Daddy Will makes his Debut at rightback. We lose shape and discipline, and the last three or four minutes are like a playground basketball match with lots of random attacking play from both teams. They get one back after what seemed a pretty clearcut foul on Charles. We get in behind twice but both times hesitate. Simon has a couple of minutes of genius, and a supreme pantomime moment of falling on his arse when through. They have a penalty shout and Charles makes a good save, but this was already well into injury time.

Always good to win, especially against this team, with whom we (and I would guess all the teams in Florence) have built up a antagonism. Their antics round the ref at the end were slightly disturbing, if a little comical. Best ref in the league by the way - same as last week.

We should not let this good and deserved win obfuscate our frailties though: lack of movement and bad passes in the first half, a lack of communication at times, and a lack of composure at others. Some great aspects though: A brilliant back line: Well done all involved: Dave, Andrew, Dom, Mark, and then Mate and Will, in particular Mate who looked a class act when he came on and changed position three times but looked good in every one.

Well done Nate. Well done Charles. Well done IUE.

What do we have to do?? S Ambrogio 3-1 IUE

Monday 12th October, 2007. Scorer: Norberto

Okay, I have been in a spiritual retreat regarding football for two days, trying to work out how it is possible that we dominate another game, yet managed to actually get thrashed 3-1. Letting in three daft goals, two after gifting their on-running players the ball when being naiave near the back and getting caught in possession or simply playing the kind of pass we shouldn't be playing, or failing to play to the whistle (again) when Andrew was fouled, but not in the ref's view and the entire defence stopped, meant that our (many, oh so many) missed chances cost us dear.

Missing 8 or 9 players, this game stretched our squad, but our starting 11 was still as strong as any this season. Irial moved back into midfield, and we had an all Portuguese strike force. Nate started in goal, and Andrew and Sebastian made up a makeshift centreback partnership.

We started slowly, failing to get the ball moving, and this cost us an early goal as we got caught in possession too deep in our own half and they ran in and scored. This got us playing, and the period between their goal and our equaliser was the best we have played this season. Truely brilliant. Having a right-footer on the left and a left-footer on the right (Me and Leo) gave our midfield a dynamism and creative versatility that had us creating all kinds of chances, and missing them in all kinds of ways. Once we got the ball moving we looked calm and patient, waiting for the right time to play the killer ball, but still managing to play at a pace that they couldn't keep up with. With Luis hitting his 2006 form, we were effectively playing with 4 fantasisti, along with Irial's bursting runs and Norberto's forward presence. In this game we must have had 4 or 5 one on ones, all from great little threaded balls through the midfield. All missed. Every move was ending in a chance, yet every chance was ending in a miss.

Jaime gets clattered by the keeper and has to go off at half time. Get well soon mate. Tijl comes on, and does excellently. At half time we all say that once we get one we will get more. We take our time getting the one, after missing a few more great chances. Norberto flicks in Irial's cross after a great run to the byline, after Tijl's unselfish movement created the space for first Irial then Norberto. Okay, we then go mental for five minutes and let in two goals. The first one night have been a foul. The ref (who was generally ourstanding) didn't think so, so we shouldn't stop. We stop, they score. We have a couple more chances, including a freekick of mine that Irial is already celebrating behind me before the keeper pulls off a miraculous save with his top hand as the ball was entering the top corner. He then pulls off a mirror image save from the resulting corner as Irial heads towards the other corner. We give it away, they score again (excellent finish by the way). Game over, effectively, although we still have to chances to peg them back. Obviously, we didn't score any of them though....

Look, we have to make this luck change. This is about responsibility. We all have to make sure we cannot blame bad luck again. Bad decisions at the back and bad finishing up front (or a pathological refusal on my part to shoot instead of setting it up for someone else) are costing us every week, when we are clearly superior. Clearly, as in much, much, much better. Mark even went as far as saying that it almost felt we had won on Monday, which was true to an extent. An excellent half from Luis, some great confident play by Leo, easily my best game for the EUI in ages (and a return to the always getting fouled days of two seasons ago. Ditto for Leo), a great goal from Norberto, after a great run by Irial, great selfless play by everyone, an excellent defensive line, and a good performance in goal by Nate all mean very little when it comes to the league table. This was a great game to play in, one that I think a lot of people enjoyed, because it was open, with a ref in control and we believed in our ability. Let's win next time, eh?

I have Charles and Norberto's IDs by the way! I have been offered 5 euros for Norberto's one, but no-one wants Charles' because the stamps in it mean he would never make it past US immigration. 6 euros and it's yours again, Nobby.

Training Saturday at 3pm & Get well soon Igor!

Okay, we have injury problems. We have had about 10 people injured already this season. crazy. Okay, let's do a rare afternoon session tomorrow (SATURDAY) at Schif, say 3pm!

Good training session last night, even with a lot of titolari not there we had 19 people there. Irial wasn't as good an enforcer as Glencross though, as two people didn't pay. Guai a voi!

Big game on Monday. Squad will be up shortly.

[No Title] IUE 1-2 San Frediano

Tuesday 6th November 2007. Scorer: Leo (see VIDEO below. Thanks to Dave Parsons.)

There ain't gonna be NO TITLE unless we make our luck change.

Okay, count to ten before reacting is a rule of thumb that is often banded around when talking about controlling one's temper in dealing with a situation that is threatening to boil over. I have counted to about ten thousand now before writing this match report. I am calm, almost.

In front of a huge crowd, apparently not all of them there for me, although Dom's girlfriend revealed her true feelings by calling me before the game during the teamtalk, we put on a performance that we should, on the whole, be very proud of. The reasons we didn't win are not that complex and are almost entirely down to our own failure to capitalise on our own domination and for a phenomenal ability to shoot ourselves in the head, nevermind the foot, TWICE. Sounds like a dodgy 'suicide' covering up a mafia assassination.

Seeking to get more texture and variation into our midfield, Nate came in on the right, and I switched to the left. Davie H came into the middle next to Luis and Leo pushed up to seconda punta. There is only so much you can say about our uncanny ability to fail to score in the last three games, despite our ratio of (excellent) chances being easily superior to our opponent's. Okay, a few missed chances and rushed finishes, but also the terrible luck of the ball going across the face of goal a good few times and missing the onrushing forwards by millimetres. Denied a stonewall penalty when Leo was pushed in the back when about to tap in my cross.

Ah the ref. Same one as last week (the groans and looks of dejection on discovering this were telling), and, in many ways, he was far far worse. I genuinely believe that this man is psychologically too unstable to be given the responsibility of such a volatile event as a men's football match. His decisions are so so so absurd at times, and his managing of the game even more so, that it is genuinely difficult to keep any semblance of concentration on the game. I, for example, as some of you saw, have two separate sets of stud mark on the back of my left leg, one of which stretches well over a foot down the back of my thigh and fucking kills. No foul either time. On the other hand, Davie Horan, among others, was penalised numerous times for absolutely cleanly winning headers, finally gets slightly frustrated and cries our a generic 'come on'. Booking for Davie. Unbelievable. UNBELIEVABLE. They get a free kick when two of theirs crock each other. One of their's ATTACKS Luis while he is on the floor (this is a red card), yet both of them get a ticking off. Insane. He also has a tendency to start screaming at random about not arguing when not a word has been uttered, and neither team knows who he is talking to. This is not the behaviour of 1. someone who understands football, or 2. someone who has the stability to do a job like this. A job for which, by the way, he is paid handsomely,

Okay, enough. I have sent a letter requested that this ref not be assigned to our games, with a detailed explanation of his erratic behaviour, arrogance and incompetence. His performance at the end of the game when I asked him how it was possible after NINE substitutions, two goals and at least two injuries that only three minutes of injury time were added topped even what had come before, as he first tried to avoid me by walking round in circles, then telling me that in Serie A the maximum amount of injury time is five minutes (??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), then telling me that I had no right to talk to him, then on being told that I was allenatore, presidente and dirigente responsabile, he replied 'Non è vero', and started walking round in circles again, yelling incomprehensible nonsense.

Okay, enough about him. Fact is, we absolutely GIFTED two goals to them last night. In reality they created NO CHANCES, yet we let in two goals. We created six or seven excellent ones, yet only scored with a (fantastic) freekick at the end. Their first goal. One shout, 'yours', 'mine', anything the goal would have been avoided, instead we get our keeper 'saving' our defender's clearance, a daft pinball-style deflection routine off the two and the ball rolls in front off our goal.

Second goal. Even more ridiculous. Their striker is clearly offside, okay, so what. Ball bounces nowhere near him. Ref doesn't blow his whistle, so play is still going on, even though even the striker has stopped really. PLAY TO THE WHISTLE. We do not and we gift them an even bigger sitter that the first goal. This is pure pure tragicomedy, lads. Not good enough. So tragicomic that their lad hits the post from one yard before tapping when it comes back out.

Half way through second half, having dominated THE ENTIRE PROCEEDINGS, and we are two-nil down. We still have three excellent chances, in one way or another to score, plus Irial hits the post and Leo gets his excellent goal. This is a team which has one every game easily so far, yet they didn't understand where the pitch was for most of the game, given how much we was shitting on them. Even when we switched to 3-4-3 at the end, we still didn't look vulnerable until the last minute we got a rare favour from the ref when he called them offside when the lad was clearly in his own half.

Let's not be under any illusions though raga, the reason we lost is because of our psychological frailties - not taking responsibility, not staying focused and, fundamentally, not playing with the belief and arrogance that a winning team needs, and, more importantly, our superiority merits.

Still, I am willing to pray to any of the numerous inexistent Gods to help us never have to see this ref again.

At this rate, there will be No Title.

Forget About It. Romito 1-0 IUE

A classic piece of film dialogue from Donnie Brasco: "Forget about it" is like if you agree with someone, you know, like "Raquel Welsh is one great piece of ass forget about it." But then, if you disagree, like "A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it!" you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like Mingrio's Peppers, "forget about it." But it's also like saying "Go to hell!" too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means forget about it.

I always think that a bad ref is like a bad pitch - you just have to play to the conditions, and that, in any case, things even themselves out more or less eventually. Sometimes though, the metaphor fails, unless the bad pitch is a 45 degree slope towards your goal. And while last week we had a good goal disallowed and then got away with a couple of things in our own box, yesterday was completely different: the number of freekicks given in this game must have been something like 40 to them, 6 or 7 to us. This, combined with a very very heavy pitch which is notoriously badly lit, meant it was very difficult to get going. Still, we had three excellent chances, and let in what was a disappointing but also somewhat freakish goal. This was a game with few chances, in which everything was against us, Concentrate and wait for our chance had to be the name of the game. It just didn't quite work out.

With Dom, Dave and Markie all out for internal disciplinary reasons, we were had to play with a makeshift defence. (Dom was suspended for coming from a too posh a part of Leicester, Dave for asking whether people wanting it too much, and Mark for being too mean to his teammates). Nate came in for his first start at right back and Davie Horan came in at centre back, alongside Arnout, with Andrew on the left. Norberto made his first start of the season.

A combination of PEOPLE GETTING THERE TOO LATE and the fact that the whole pitch was being used right up to kick off meant that we couldn't properly warm up. It showed in the first twenty minutes, in which we were RUBBISH. Forget about it. They almost scored from a header from a corner. We eventually woke up a little bit and put together a couple of good moves, one excellent down the right which saw the onrushing Sebastian almost score. Although we were improving our play lacked fluidity and often bypassed our midfield, meaning we had no chance of getting on top in the game, accentuated by the fact that the ref was slowly revealing himself to be a complete scandal.

Half-time, playing badly but improving. 0-0. To do: increase energy, win more balls and get our foot on in and pass. Unfortunately a freak combination of bad positioning, a slip and a second's hesitation saw them burst through and their striker took his goal well. 35 minutes to put it right. Ref makes it tougher, making some genuinely ridiculous decisions. Even Vomito were laughing about it. Great. We win more balls, and look fitter than them. Mate, Jan and David are on, and we are passing it very well, but our short passing game becomes overly intricate near their box as we try and score the perfect goal, with us trying passes which are far too cute around their D. Still, we have two good chances, with a shot going just wide and a header just over in the last minute after a great cross from Leo. Should have had a penalty in the last minute. Obviously, Irial was booked instead.

Forget about it.

Missing shirts

Who has the missing number 3, 6 and 9 shirts for the old red kit? Manolo, Luis, Norberto? You were using them. There are also many pairs of missing shorts. This all needs to be returned immediately.

I'm bringing in Ramos...

Given that a lot of you have some difficulties coming to two training sessions a week (or even one in the case of some David Horans), think yourselves lucky you don't play for Spurs, who are training twice a day. So, start winning again, or we'll be doing that too...

Congratulations to everyone last week for not only a great turnout at training (22 people), but also, for the first time ever, for everyone paying! Well, Irial only vicariously. Obviously Andrew collecting the money is more effective than me doing it. This means we might be able to get some more new bibs and finally chuck out those rancid red ones.

The Life and Times of Arnout Mertens. IUE 1-1 Crystal Piazza

Tuesday 23rd October, 2007. Scorer: Jaime

[This post breaks the rules about swearing several times. If they want to take the link down they can]

Nobody knows how long Arnout Mertens has been in Florence for. Some people say he came as one of the angeli del fango to save Florence's artwork after the flood of '66. Others say he was one of the occupying German soldiers in the mid-forties, and was in fact responsible for not blowing up the Ponte Vecchio, and because of this the partisans let him off and pretended he was Belgian instead of German. Some say he came to do a PhD several decades ago and, long after everyone had forgotten about him, he produced a manuscript and, with all the embarassment of not knowing who he was, the jury awarded him a doctorate of history, even though close examination of the work revealed it to be a strange, somewhat paranoid work of science fiction. I mean, the last one is obviously false, as if it were true, why would he still be here? In any case, he is such a VIP player that he sends minor players like Irial Glynn to get his boots from his house before the game. (Irial told me about the Nazi memorabilia at your place Arnout, so I guess that clears up which of the competing stories is true).

Last night we saw a dark, twisted side of Arnout that none of us knew existed. It took the biggest bunch of wining, cheating, pussyole fuckers to bring it out of him, accompanied by spells of absolutely calamity on our part and absolute insanity on the part of the ref. Arnout, in short, is one of the cool-headed members of the EUI team. Or so we thought. Last night, while all the defenders around him were collectively losing their heads in defence, he was dealing with his inner deamons, brought out by the concerted attempts of their number 9 (I have his name if anyone wants it), to seriously injure Arnout while the ref wasn't looking. Arnout kept remarkably cool in the circumstances, but the cat is out of the bag now. First bookings are a step on the way to genuine manhood. Knocking that fucker out would have been another. Oh well, probably best you didn't.

Oh, we also drew 1-1 last night, which I am trying to avoid talking about as it is one of those that sticks in your throat, and pops into my head every five minutes making me want to smash things. There was something of last season's performances about last night. Domination, control, unfairly disallowed goal, ten minutes of absolute insanity in defence, hatfuls of missed open goals, unbelievably hateful opposition, stupid mistakes, terrible, terrible reffing (although often in our favour), and two points dropped when we had enough chances to win by six or seven,

Mate came in at right back, and David BS at number 10. Sebastian came back into the middle of the park. Anyone who read any match report from last season knows the script now: we dominate, very compact, good passing, use width well, look dangerous and in control. Sebastian scores perfectly good goal, which is scandalously disallowed for offside, when he came from behind the ball after a header down from my freekick from the left. Similar position five minutes later, Irial heads but for once doesn't score.

Crystal Piazza begin to reveal themselves as cheating pussies, whining bastards, and into cynical off-the-ball violence. After having nothing to do for 25 minutes, and still with nothing much to worry about, our defence suffers from collective insanity, and literally gifts Crystal Piazza three open goals - failing to clear, leaving men unmarked between two centrebacks, neither of whom are marking anyone, trying to pass the ball around our our penalty area. They hit the post, and we clear off the line. It is coming.

If you fail, for no reason, to get the ball out of your own half for ten minutes, you will let in a goal. We have only ourselves to blame. We lowered ourselves to their very low level. Ref gives them nonsense freekick on the edge of the box. Mistake 1. They take it quickly, ref doesn't let them for some reason. Mistake 2. They spack out. Fair enough. They take freekick. Irial is pushed and kicked by one of their right in front of the ref, No foul. Mistake 3. The ball eventually drops in our box, they square it across goal and tap in. We should be 3-0 up, but are 1-0 down. What we deserve. We create two more great, great chances before half time but snatch at them both.

Angry teamtalk. Right-footed Jaime comes onto the left, and nate onto the right, in an attempt to make the midfield more compact. They are quickly followed by Norberto for David, and Dave H for Sebastian. We dominate territorially, and swarm all over them. We miss hatfulls of chances, but eventually score through Jaime after the ball was put across the face of goal, a couple of minutes after he had hit the bar. Miguel comes on down the right, and Nate switches to right back. They kick, head butt and elbow off the ball. Even Dave M gets pissed off. We try to be above it, but it is tough, as they are also pussies who squeal and roll around every time we go near them, and bully the ref incessantly. Ah the ref, who's signature is like a five year old child's handwriting, with back-to-front bs and ds and everything. What a fucking moron. He actually saved us twice in the second half, by not giving a penalty against us (handball, Miguel), and unbelievably, not giving them a freekick in our box after Igor picked up a Nate backpass throw-in. Nate, Igor, William the ref: idiots. A few more missed chances for good measure. Full time. Two points dropped, but, the way things went last night we could easily have lost.

Training tomorrow: on the agenda: clearing the ball, finishing.

Moflo, and record hits on the blog yesterday...

80 unique visitors on this site yesterday, checking the team news. Wow. Somewhat inflated, it seems, by the fact that Nate sent an email to all his mates telling them to have a look, explaining the 11 hits from North America. Paris and Huddersfield are the most consistent non-Italian visitors, although London, numerous places in Germany, Holland and Portugal sneak in daily.

Anyway, what this means is that we are whipping Moflo, Jeremy and Dom's website about what's on in Florence, although they haven't done any advertising yet. Why not check it out, and even write for it.

www.moflo.it

When I'm not wasting my time writing crap on this blog I am sometimes writing about music and other stuff on Moflo. They are feeling bad that some amateur glorified mailing list is trouncing their glossy effort, so click on the link and make their day!

Attendance at training

Let's continue our good form on Tuesday vs Crystal Piazza.

However, the rule that you must come to training if you want to play is serious. It is a lack of respect for your teammates to not turn up. To a certain extent, the calcetto sessions are optional, but the big sessions at Cerreti or v Gioberti are not.

Obviously, sometimes you won't be able to make it, this is not a problem. However, it is funny how certain people are always available on matchdays but never for training. If you want to compete for a place in the team, you are doing yourself no favours by not coming to training. We had three sessions this week. Well done to everyone who made it to these - the Friday session was particularly useful. If you want to get fit and play regularly in this team, we must come to these sessions. Some people did not come to ANY of the three sessions. You know who you are.

This week: training is at v Gioberti on Thursday, where we have the pitch for only an hour and a half from 8.45 to 10.15 SO BE ON TIME TO BE ON THE PITCH AT 8.45, and at Schif on Sunday at 7.30.

Training this week...

Okay, three training sessions this week after our good start to the season.

They are:
*Thursday at Schif at 21:00,
*Friday FULL PITCH TRAINING at CERRETI (our home ground), see the link in my email about our first game. (Behind the baseball ground in campo di marte) at 20:45. NB not at via Gioberti!
*Usual Sunday session at Schif at 19:30, where the squad for the next game will be up.

Coming to training at least most of the time is obligatory if you want to be in the team. Not because I'm a tyrant but because this is only fair to those people who always turn up. Please try and make at least two of the sessions, and especially the one on the full-sized pitch at Cerreti.

"Vi vogliamo così." Serpiolle 0-3 IUE

Monday 15th October, 2007. Scorers: Irial, Dave H, David BS.

"Vi vogliamo così" is what our fans would have been singing at the end of last night's game in Sesto against Serpiolle, after we dominated the whole game, playing excellent simple and organised football. We didn't have any fans though, except Leo's dad, who came to meet us in the changing room after the game. A simple and deserved 3-0 win is the kind of result I have been pining after for over a year. Here it is at last. Ci voglio così.

Nothing involving la squadra fantastica can pass off without a little drama, however, and even not being on the pitch didn't stop Markie Jones almost starting riot after a Serpiolle players broke his own leg colliding with one of his teammates as the simultaneously attempted to crock Davie Horan. At this point we were 2-0 up, but a near-20 minute wait for an ambulance could have knocked us off guard after our fantastic start. Not a bit of it. We stayed collected and calm, saw out the half, and the second period was played at a pace that was a couple of gears below what we were doing in the first 40 minutes, not that that stopped David getting a debut goal at the death to give us a deserved winning margin, all this on a horrendous pitch, that looks like one of those 300 grand astro efforts but is actually some dodgy mafioso scam where they just laid concrete, put their Nan's carpet over the top, paint it green and sprinkle some rubber bits on in. How are everyone's knees and ankles today? Mine: very bad.

After Leo and Jaime's hints of brilliance in the opener there were full debuts for them, at left midfield and seconda punta respectively. Luis came in to the middle for his first game of the season, with Davie Horan next to him. We started off simply but brilliantly, doing exactly the things I had been saying in the changing room - flat back four, high line, keeping the ball moving, hitting the wingers from the back and from midfield - using the very wide pitch, and lots of movement from the strikers to disrupt their three man central defence. Strangely the one part of the team that didn't click, at least going while we were on the ball was the central midfield partnership, which should be the hub of everything we do. It didn't matter as we looked dangerous from the off, and secure at the back. We varied our attacking play with a mix of short passing, dribbling and crosses, leaving them nervous and on the back foot. When the EUI get a free kick thirty yards out, the Mason-Glynn combination has always served us well. I loop in it in from the left to the on-coming Irial. Goal. Irial washes the kit.

We continue to play well and look like getting another goal. It comes from a corner on the left, which I whip in the the edge of the six yard box, blocked header, comes to Davie Horan who controls it and whacks it into the back of the net. Cruising. Playing well. Leo gets called offside when he was through on goal and five yards (literally) onside. Davie Horan outpaces a defender and goes one on one with the keeper who stands up and makes a good save. Serpiolle player tries to break Davie's leg (as revenge for a supposed 'foul' by Leo), and breaks his own. I don't really want to comment further about this.

20 minutes waiting for an ambulance. We keep our cool while getting cold. We carry on where we left off. Luis plays a brilliant ball to the back post where I stretch to reach it 10 yards out but it goes over the bar. Should have scored.

A positive team-talk and positive mood at half time. Excellent play, but still room for improvement. The excellent Leo and Jaime are replaced by Mate and Norberto. Nate comes on for me after a while, and manages to get into another fight. Don't ask me, and Sebastian comes on for Luis and David for Irial, and we eventually wake up from our slumber to create a few chances in the last twenty minutes, instead of just going through the motions (don't get me wrong, going through the motions is something we should be doing every week after we have secured the win). Mate bursts down the inside left channel and dinks the ball over the keeper. Just wide. Mark comes on for Dom, and his first meaningful contribution is a wicked cross from deep that almost leads to a goal. Nate puts in a similar one from the right, after avoid another attempted leg break. Sebastian heads down and David gets a debut goal. I think a lot of us believed their complaints about offside. Couldn't have been: the man who went across to block Nate's cross (who had been on David) was still on the goals line near the corner flag. We passed it around quite well for the dying seconds, in particular Sebastian, who gave us the continuity we needed in our short passing game. Horan decided to hang out by the touchline quite a lot. We'll have to talk about that. An excellent defensive performance, they only got in behind once, and they blazed over. Igor was outstanding when he was called upon.

Lads, an excellent performance that we should be very proud of. But I am sure we all know why we played so well: discipline, unselfishness, running and doing the simple things well. I was particularly happy about everyone doing the job they were meant to be doing, and doing them very well. Once you get all of this right, the rest will take care of itself. We attacked spectacularly at times in the first half, without anyone trying the spectacular. Something else of note: only three outfield players have played every minute and we are only two games in. Rafa would be happy, and so am I. Ci voglio così.

Team:
Igor - Dom (Mark), Dave M, Arnout, Andrew - Luke (Nate), Luis (Sebastian), Dave H, Leo (Mate) - Jaime (Norberto) - Irial (David)

Death threats and fighting spirit. IUE 2-1 Villoreal

Friday 13th October, 2007. Scorers: Mark (pen), Irial.

Five minutes to play, 2-1 up. The sea, no longer red but now sky blue, that is our defence opens up, Villoreal's lanky striker (and token nice guy in a team of psychopaths) runs onto a pass and slots in past Igor. All too familiar. Here were go again, we all think. But no, it hits the inside of the base of the post and goes across the goal. Maybe this season will be different... Three points from an absolute battle of a game is a good start. Legs are tired and voices are hoarse. We are in full swing again. Fights on the bench, death threats, separating the ref and the opposition, being told to **** off back to where we come from. The beautiful game in the land of the world champions.

With four new players on the bench, but a familiar starting line-up, with only Sebastian and Mate new this season, we should have been able to get quickly into the groove of our passing game, especially after all the small sided games in training. Strangely however, we were actually better at keeping our shape and playing in a disciplined manner than we were at getting the ball on the floor and doing what we do best. Our 100 mph starts of last season were not repeated and it took us twenty minutes to really get going. The three Irish lads with the dodgy barnets in the side were in the thick of all the action (almost) for the whole game...

Number 3, Mark Jones. If there is one thing that Mark is better at than shouting abuse at the opposition and the ref it is shouting abuse at his team-mates. He excelled in this for the first twenty minutes. 'He should calm down,' was suggested on the bench. When Igor picked up a 'backpass' from Dave six yards out, which they blasted straight at a sensitive area of my midriff, paralysing me for a moment, Mark was the one who cleared the ball as their striker rushed onto it, clattering Mark, who made a great yelping noise and collapsed in a heap. I wonder who he learns these things from. If there is one thing he is better at that screaming abuse and yelping, it is certainly not penalties – I saw him miss four out of four in training the other week WITH NO GOALKEEPER. Didn't stop him from slotting his third penalty for la squadra fantastica last night though after Davie Horan had been bundled over right in front of goal.

We won the penalty after a classic IUE move, with the ball spread wide down the left into my path, after a couple of passes in the middle. I cut inside, look up and see Irial. Irial wins the header which goes across the goal to Davie Horan who has the goal at his mercy. Foul. Penalty. 1-0. Villoreal start moaning. I say start, I mean I think this team moans for a living. Ref says that they shouldn't moan as the goal he had disallowed a few minutes earlier should have counted. Unbelievable. Well, it should have counted. Their player passes it through his own defence to Dave McCourt, who whacked it in. Ref panics, blows whistle. We point out the fact that he is a lunatic. Somehow all of this means we deserve a penalty. When we got the ball on the floor a few times in the second half of the first period we looked like a genuinely good side, we had three or four crosses narrowly miss our onrushing forwards – Irial hit the post with one, and their keeper sprawled brilliant to palm away one of mine. I almost scored from 45 yards with a freekick after seeing their keeper about 29 yards off his line, followed by great keeper-makes-brilliant-recovery-save-then-bangs-his head-on-the-post routine.

Number 9, Irial Glynn. If there is one thing Irial is better at than scoring belting goals for the EUI it is certainly not correctly pronouncing arbitro. Who cares though – a few minutes into the second half a good move ends with Davie H squaring the ball to Irial just inside the box. Swivel and shot on the turn. Left foot. Top corner. Trade mark goal, trade mark Irial grin and celebration. Beautiful. 2-0

Back to Mark... After Mark scored the first thing he said to me was that he wasn't washing the kit. I told him I'd do it if we kept a clean sheet. Having none of this, he decided to give away a penalty. Fair enough. Great penalty. 2-1. Ten minutes of panic and disarray. We have serious psychological problems I think. We struggled to keep our shape or the ball. After numerous alterations, and an injury to Sebastian after we had made our last substitution, we eventually regained composure. Nate allegedly broke their number 4's ribs. This sparks acrimony between the benches and death threats (honestly, death threats) for Nate, and then for me when I suggested it might not be a good idea to kill one of our players. Then the ref loses it completely and goes over to confront their bench (which had about 4000 people on – all on crack cocaine seemingly). Me and Andrew go and separate them and the ref and tell the ref not to send one of them off from the bench. Ref doesn't send him off. Villoreal get pissed off at me and Andrew and the threats of violence begin again. My sexuality was questioned at some point, by as Arnout put it 'the biggest frocio you've ever seen'. I have to admit though, I have been having some doubts recently...

Number 10, David Horan. After winning us the penalty, setting up the second goal and screaming at the ref in English for the whole game, Davie found himself playing centreback for the last 10 or 15 minutes. Having been subdued for a lot of the game, he decided this was the time to excel, taking on 4 or 5 players on the edge of our box every time he got the ball. If you can keep you head while... Anyway, if only he could do that nearer the other goal next time...There were a couple of great clearing headers by Mark and Dave near the end, and apart from an abomination of a defensive line right near the end, the back four played well.

Leo and Jaime were great outlets after they came on and Nate offered great energy and elbows in the middle of the park. Leo has an, erm, interesting miss near the end meaning we had to sweat a bit longer. This game was always going to be more of a battle than a football match. The win was the important thing, and we were obviously the much stronger side. That's not always what counts in these games though, and we should be proud of ourselves for our spirit – it's in many ways much easier to win games against stronger sides.

After the game we were on the verge on a brawl for a while. The ref ran off straight away. I felt genuinely sorry for him last night. Looking after Nate was the priority, who was in danger of getting lynched. I mean, this is Nate. Such a nice guy that if he entered a nice guy contest he would come second, just because he's so nice he would let someone else win. If some demented florentines ask you about the whereabouts of the number 14, just shrug your shoulders and walk away. Not like Trechsel, who came storming round the corner, just as things were calming down, and 'did a Mark' and starting screaming abuse at them again. Thanks Prof. Well done to Tijl for sticking up for us as well. I'm sure they were scared of us all really.

Team:

Igor- Andrew (Leo), Dave M, Arnout (Miguel), Mark - Mate (Nate), Sebastian, Dom, Luke (Jaime) - Dave H - Irial

New kit and lots of players...

So the new kit is currently in my possession, looking beautiful. You can see what it looks like at training tonight! It is lovely, needless to say, and fits in very nicely with the EUI's corporate colour scheme. We also have new bibs, which is even better news, if you ask me. They are just yellow.

We also have 35 tesserati, and a ball is yet to be kicked. We had 22 at this point last season. This is fantastic and should mean a brilliant season (if people keep coming to training). However, what it also means is that even with a monster squad of 17 or 18 for our first game, half of the players registered will miss out, and there are a few players who are yet to register. Every member of the squad will prove to be important-the season is very long-and it is crucial that people who are not in the first squad, or the first starting 11 keep coming to training and force their way into the team! See you at training tonight...

La Squadra Fantastica in two-page feature in the EUI Review

A few months ago I sent round an article that i had written about the team that was going to be published in the EUI review. Well, for those of you who didn't read it then, there is now another chance not to read it: make sure you don't turn to the back pages of the EUI Review to read hilarious anecdotes and tear-jerking musings about la squadra fantastica.

Asyou can see above, there are also great photos are Tijl struggling to work out how to run backwards in a warm up, Mark looking like a schoolgirl fan of his hero Manolo. There are Irial, Davie Parsons and Alex in a same haircut, same cheesy grin pose, Andrew looking like an evil alien in a good team photo, a goal celebration photo which looks remarkably similar to the soft-porn-effects one just above this post, and a quite fetching shot of Manolo's neck, Simon in his pants and Tim literally naval gazing, with the hilarious caption: 'the team listen attentively to pre-match instructions. Obviously not attentively enough, as they lost this game'. 5-0 as well, but I didn't mention that.

You can see the article here.

There is also a picture of me, unrelated to the team, on page 46, in a fetching hat.

Last Training Session Before the Big Kick-Off: Sunday 7th October

Well done everyone for a great training session last night. 28 people, with several 'big names' missing, is an excellent turn-out.

Ernesto, Igor, Sebastian, Norberto, Mate, Tijl, Simon you are expected at the next session! Luca, you are expected back soon too.

Thanks to everyone who has handed in photos and documents, we are just waiting on a few stragglers. It would be a really stupid way of missing the first couple of games if you can't play because you are not iscritto. Ernesto, Igor, Simon, Luca, Jen, Graham to name a few.

With a squad of over 25 excellent players this season, we have every reason to be very optimistic. Although Prof. Trechsel was staunchly defending the old guard of years gone by in Finnegans last night, what I said about this being the strongest squad ever is definitely true. If we can get a genuine commitment from everyone, we will have an exceptional season. Therefore, we need a big turn-out on Sunday at Villa Schifanoia for training on the calcetto pitch, the perfect way to increase our sharpness before the opening game.

New Season, New Website. Calendario - Girone di Andata....

WELCOME TO THE BRAND NEW IUE CALCIO WEBSITE!
TOTALLY INTERACTIVE - feel free to post comments in any language.
This website is in no way part of the EUI, so people can feel reasonably free to say what they like... Watch out though, you never know when high profile members of EUI staff might get offended...

This will be the place to read match reports, see photos etc. this season.

Anyhow, the new season is fast approaching....

We have an unprecedented two games in four days to start the season, as we have a Friday home game to start off with... Grudge matches v Speranza 1998 and Romito will soon be upon us... Careggi is on standby. Terror level will be at least orange on those days at least... We also have a team of doctors in our league this year, relegated last season, although I assume not to punish them for ****ing me and Igor up last season....

The fixtures are:

(Home games in capitals)

VILLOREAL Fri 12 Oct
Serpiolle Mon 15 Oct
Cr.PIAZZA Tue 23 Oct
Romito Tue 30 Oct
S.FREDIANO Tue 06 Nov
S.Ambrogio Mon 12 Nov
SPERANZA Tue 20 Nov
Casellina Mon 26 Nov
MEDICI F'TINI Tue 04 Dec
Sporting 2003 Wed 12 Dec
CAVALLINA Tue 18 Dec
Sp. Club Fi. Wed 15 Jan