Pass and Move it's the IUE groove. Crystal Piazza 0-5 IUE

Romagnoli, Wed 21 Feb 2008. Scorers: Manolo, Luis, Irial (3)

Pass and Move is a novelty song released by Liverpool FC for their (losing) appearance in the 1996 FA Cup Final. It includes such lyrical gems as 'Rush has scored more than all the rest/Respect to the Liverbird upon his chest.' Anyway, A couple of interesting things happened after last night's game. One, I found about about how Ali checks to see whether her jeans need washing. Ask her, it's, erm, interesting. Two, I had a violent nose bleed at six in the morning while unwinding reading Sebastian Faulks.

After our excellent performance last night, I think I will take it easy with this match report. I am a litttle bit sleepy to be honest. So, with some of our star players missing Miguel had to be brought in last minute for Francesco after the latter didn't bring his ID. Lucky that, that Miguel was right there in the changing room. I bet he doesn't remember though. The opposition had a new tactic: not wear the same colour shorts or socks, and have a stupid tricolour shirt (purple, white and yellow - not even the shirt of their side, but that of SanCat, the team that owns that pitch. The idea was to get the ball on the floor and make it do the work, getting the opposition to do all the running. The Romagnoli pitch is easily the best in the league - I actually wanted to get it for us - so big and such a great surface. We used it fantastically. Playing with a sweeper has opened up the pitch for us a lot, and we scored three goals in the first half that all started with the ball at the back. Simple but quick passing and moving put us in so many times that we couldn't fail to score a few. Manolo, Luis and Irial all finished off great moves. We also missed bucket loads of chances. We could have been 6 or 7 up at half time. We defended competently, knowing when to gett rid, but more importantly when to play it. We won headers and made clearances well. The ref gave them a few dodgy freekicks around our box but we dealt with them calmly. Thankfully he didn't give them a penalty for a couple of claims they had. We mised the play up well, with a great combination of short passing, long balls into the channels and crosses.

Three-nil at half time. Simon, captain for the day, was worrying about the Celtic result. I was worried about covering the spaces better and winning more of the second balls in the mdfield. They put an extra man upfront in the second half, and played more long balls, but achieved as little penetration as a timid first year EUI economics researcher. Our wingers got tired, and we looked less fluid as we covered the spaces less readily. We still played some absolutely beautiful stuff, with Irish heading in a cross from the left, and then getting his hattrick with an absolutely belting volley after Johnny, just on as sub, headed it into his path. They missed a generously awarded penalty(we knew he would give them something). A am glad that boy missed it in particular because he was a **** (insert for own expletive). He had socked Mate in the ear and studded me in the back of the leg. Ha. Charles' reaction was great.

I was determined to get through this game without conceding, and screamed manically for the last few minutes for people to carry on working, carry on marking, carry on covering the spaces. I make no apologies for doing this. 5-0 was a deserved result, and it could easily have been so many more. A great performance on a great pitch. We even got quite a few fans all the way over there. Debut for Jeremy after a year and a half of coming to training. Well done to everyone. Some great performances - everyone played well actually. It's only three points though. Thanks to Si for missing the Celtic game for us. Training Friday at 9 at Cerreti

Also, great to see Alex Trechsel last night in Finnegan, then at the Baraccio, then at the new Kitsch pub. We missed you in that fight last week mate.

Team (1-3-4-1-1): Charles - Luke - Mate, Simon, Dom - Manolo, Luis, Ernesto, 'Miguel' (Johnny) - Norberto (Jeremy) - Irial

The Perils of V.D. IUE 1-1 Serpiolle

Tuesday, 13th February, 2008. Cerreti. Scorer: Own Goal!

Er... fights, eh? Nothing like a good fight to bring a team together. To be honest, I wish we'd kicked the shit out of those bastards last week, who seem to have slightly evolved beyond their neanderthal status to be able to use the internet and even find our website to leave oh-so-scary threats. In any case, last night we had a fight, involving about 18 people, which is always fun, as well as our legion of fans banging on their fence - not quite sure what their goal was, but it made the scene much tougher. Like WWF, only real. Strange one that, Leo getting sent off for being PUNCHED IN THE HEAD. I still can't believe the ref's antics - asking me to give him the number of a player to send off for our team (you know, a number of my choice...) or he would SUSPEND THE MATCH. While a would have loved to have sold Leo out for being a pussy and falling over so dramatically, I obviously told the ref where to get off. So he sends Leo off. The one man not involved in the ruckus because he was lying on the ground nursing his head. What can I say? We have appealed, I got the other team to tell the ref after the game he had made a mistake, they were full of apologies for the whole thing too. Nothing will happen, I fear. Leo will be suspended, Great. Thanks ref.

So... to the perils of VD... In the words of a famous hip hop group, There comes a time in every mans life when he's gotta handle up on his own/Can't depend on friends to help you in a sqeeze, please they got problems of their own. (Anyone?). One of those things is VD... even worse is an unwanted nickname, especially if it is VD. What Dom has going for him is that he will be able to explain to women put off by this name that it doesn't actually mean he's got the clap, but instead it only stands for Violent Dom. 'Oh,' they'll say. 'Okay,' as they slowly slide away never to be seen again. Grande Leo, for such a great name. Leo in Finnegan: 'Dom, you are violent Dom. No, VD.' (VD is short for venerial disease, by the way, an STI in modern parlance - a sexually transmitted infection.) This all comes from the fact that Dom threw a slightly wonky punch in the melé, and probably should have been sent off instead of Leo. So keep safe, watch out for that VD. A few of us got stuck in, which was good to see. Not Mark Jones though, which was a surprise, but, as Irial said, that was probably because he was fighting with someone else somewhere else on the pitch. Probably for an unrelated incident.

Ah the match, only very quickly, because I know you all have busy lives, what with checking your emails, facebooks, and myspaces all day. Having only two left backs at our disposal in terms of out and out defenders, we started with a back four with a sweeper, playing a kind of 1-3-4-1-1. We still look reluctant to be calm on the ball and spread the play, in particular in midfield, which should be the strongest area in this team. Distribution from the back has often been a problem in this side, hampering our ability to get going with the ball, but this wasn't the case yesterday, as the defenders passed it around with much assurance than the midfield, who looked laboured, slow, unfit and tense. We still worked some good stuff though, and our best moves came when we switched the ball across the back and attacked down the wings. Irial played a sublime ball into debutant Francesco, who, er, might have done better. We looked pretty solid but rarely sparkled. The centre of midfield looked sparce and we struggled to win second balls in there. I know it's not good form to call out people on this website, but LUIS and DAVID HORAN, you need to get fitter. We need more dynamism in that area. They scored a classic counter attack goal, as their rampaging players overtook ours and they got in behind and scored a tap in. Come on lads, they were five-on-three in our box, it's ridiculous. This came after we were awarded a free kick in their box after Irial was kicked in the face. Kicked in the fucking face! How is this not a penalty? Kicked in the face, for god's sake. The rest of the half we stuttered along, and we came in 1-0 down, but clearly a much better side than them.

Leo came on, soon to depart, as we now know. In the meantime we took the game to them quite well, with their quick breaks easily dealt with with our new sweeper system, which nullified the danger of balls over the top, which we often used to struggle with. Jeremy compared me to Tron, whatever the fuck that is. This allowed our full backs to push in more too. We put on the pressure, and were amazingly denied a stonewall penalty TWICE in the space of about half a second, as two of our players were absolutely CLATTERED in the box. Corner, obviously. Ha, own goal - great header into the top corner from the cross. Okay, here we go, let's get a second. Then the fight goes off, the ref gets scared like last week, of the violent team, so sends off one of ours. My uncle used to have a dog that would love to join in with violence, but always on the side of the person dishing it out. These refs are a bit like that. We had a scare a couple of times at the end when we failed to intercept balls in the channels which we clearly ours. Too much hesitation. Playing one up front it was tough to hold the ball up there, but Johnny came on for VD and Irial moved into midfield, and the young Mr Ash caused them a lot of problems.

A kid came on for them up front, as was visibly shaken by the fight. A gave him a friendly handshake and told him welcome to hell. Mark then scared him even more when he claimed, not unreasonably, that a foul by Mate had actually been a foul. Obviously it was a foul, although I argued that it was the greatest injustice since Ashley Cole was told he'd only be paid 60 grand a week by Arsenal. 'Era fallo,' says the kid timidly. 'Ti faccio vedere io cos'è un fallo,' said Mark. Poor kid. Serpiolle is also the team who broke one of their own legs earlier this year. They kept trying to repeat the trick, and must have crashed into each other about five times during this game. Very strange. 1-1 final score. Should have one, but a better performance than last week. We need our midfielders doing more - more passes and crosses to the strikers!

Beware the dangers of VD.

Team: David - Luke - Mark, Simon, Mate - Manolo, Dave H, Luis, Dom (Johnny) - Francesco (Leo), Irial.

Sorry again to the subs who did not get on last night - the game went kind of crazy, and severely restricted the possibilities of making changes. THANK YOU FROM THE TEAM FOR BEING THERE AND SUPPORTING US. You will play soon!

Thanks also to all our fans last night! There were loads of you! Fantastic.

Murder in the dark. Villoreal 2-1 IUE

Thursday 6th February, 2008. Scorer: Dave H.

Murder in the dark is some kind of parlour game played in england by children during wet dinner times and on the last day of term when teachers can't be arsed to do any teaching, and by posh people. I can't remember the rules or really anything about the game. I wish I couldn't remember anything about yesterday's game either, which was a bit like murder in the dark, as Villoreal's bunch of wankers (see first match report of the season also) carried out several serious assaults on our players on the darkest pitch in the world, while the hapless ref ate our of their hands and made it impossible for us to get going again after we had thrown away the advantantage of a great start and a promising opening half hour of play.

Our new 3-5-2 worked very well for an extended period in the first period, with the defence looking assured and calm, and the midfield taking advantage of the extra man, soon culminating in a well worked goal for davie horan, after luis had played him in down the channel. It was a cross, but we only score with crosses these days. I have never seen an EUI side so wasteful with the ball as we were in this game. It was impressively bad at times. We were on top for ten minutes after we took the lead, then lost all ability to pass, move, follow men, look up, or communicate. They laid siege to our penalty area, and eventually got a goal that reflected the way we were playing, a misplace clearance riocheted off me and into their no. 32's path who slotted home. Half time. Manolo and Nate on. Both make inmmediate impacts, getting in behind. Our last chances of the game.

They try and break Nate's leg, and nearly succeed. I have, I think never been so angry on a football pitch. Yellow card, for a man who should have already have been sent off in the first half for a disgraceful foul on Leo who was clean through. How this foul on Nate is not a red card I just don't know. Somehow the incident ends with their FUCKING WANKER of a ginger player, on the bench, suspended as per, running onto the pitch to threaten me, and then collude with the ref to tell me that I should shut up or I would be sent off. Unbelievable. Next incident of note is Dave Horan getting assaulted - kicked and attempted blow to the head - ref is looking the wrong way, hears commotion, turns round and GIVES THEM A FREE KICK. Great. They score a header which bounces in front of the unlucky Charles from a corner. Great. We need to learn to block people's runs. It is not fouling. You can't just stand there and let them head it off a clean run at it. That scorer is a fucking dick too. Their Crouch-like player, previously described on this website on a token nice guy in a team full of wankers, turns out to be Costanza from the EUI's cousin. Dave M fraternises with him. Dave - stop fraternising. This is war yo.

We look terrible on the ball. I hit full sprint pace a couple of times to get across to cover men who had got in behind our wing backs. Our midfield is invisible for the entire second half. This is just not good enough. We might as well have just not had anyone there. Granted, the ref's handling of the game made in almost inpossible to play, but we did ourselves no favours. We had the ball enough to do something with it, and we were unwilling, unable and disbelieving.

All this played out in beneath the worst floodlights ever. They point inwards from a third of the way into the pitch. Goalmouths and corners are pitch black. To add insult to injury the crappy little lights turn on and off at regular intervals, making it some kind of poor man's rave with the world's crappoest strobe lights. Good job no one was epileptic.

Very difficult to take positives from this game. An excellent twenty minutes showed what we could do. A dreadful rest of the game was much more telling. I am going to unilaterally declare that my switch to sweeper was just about the only genuinely successful aspect of this match. Training tomorrow and Sunday. If you have any self-respect you will be there, as we all need it.
Get well soon Nate. Hi Frat Buddies.

Team: Charles - Simon, Luke, Dave M - Leo (Manolo), Luis, Ernesto (Andrew), Dom (Nate), Mate - Dave H (Johnny), Irial.

TRAINING TOPS

Just think how much better this picture would have look if everyone it in had a training top on!

(Back row: Norberto, Miguel, Habib, Luke, Simon, Sebastian, Irial, Ernesto, Charles, William; Purgatory: Mate, Andrew, Johnny; Front Row: Luis, Tim, Manolo, Dave M, Nate, Dom, Leo. Picture taken by: JZA)

Okay, after months of threatening, we can finally actually get our official IUE CALCIO training tops. This is thanks to a very kind sponsorship deal with The Blob. There will probably be a small contribution needed from each player of about 10 euros per top, this will depend on how many we get and what kind of special price we can get...

Anyway, you need to reply to this post with:
YOUR NAME
YOUR SIZE
YOUR PREFERRED SQUAD NUMBER

see above right for which numbers are still available! Those sought after ones in the thirties and forties are yet to be snatched up!

Reply A.S.A.P. (Reply on here, not via email, so you can see what numbers have been taken and whatever, innit)

Another suberb IUE performance. Sporting Club 0-2 IUE

Wow, what a game. After Glencross and Mate were sent off for calling each other names in the first minute, and new boy Ryan was stretchered off after 10 seconds after getting injured from disbelief at the antics of our ref and opposition, we somehow managed to pull off a spectacular win. With 65,000 people watching, and another 3,000 locked outside, Simon MacBride's 84 yard diving header into the top corner, and Arnout's curling free kick from the outskirts of Rome, gave us a 2-0 victory. Tijl missed an open goal in the last minute.

Team: Diego Maradona, Luca Toni, Banana Man, Jason Lee, Mario Mendez, Anne-Bailey Edwards, Borghese il gatto, Valentino Pagliari, Ivan Todd, Yves Meny, Roger Federer.