Il Capitano Deve Stare Zitto! IUE 4-2 Romito

Cerreti, Tuesday 26th February 2008. Scorers: Irial, Leo, Luke, Dave H



Act 1 Scene 1:

Characters:
Simon, burly Scottish centreback, likes beer, Celtic and hitting the ball with the outside of his left foot. Captain.
Ref, absolute idiot

Misty pitch, light drizzle, tense atmosphere, a football match is taking place. Simon is fouled.
Simon: 'Porco Dio!'
Ref: 'Ah, quindi lei parla italiano... Porco chi? Porco chi?'
[Players wait for the ref to restart play]
Ref: 'Se lei nomina il Suo nome, lui scendera'... Lei vedra'...'
[Players look on in utter confusion as the ref continues his theological diatribe]

Act 1 Scene 2:
[Ref calls a foul throw against us, for the second time in a minue, neither of the throws were remotely foul throws. Having just booked Luke for suggesting that the previous one might have been 'regolare', the ref is looking for his next victim...]
Simon: 'Oh, arbitro'
Ref: 'Vuol essere ammonito? Allora ecco.'
[Ref brandishes card at Simon]
Simon: 'Ma non c'e' scritto che il capitano puo' parlare con l'arbitro?'
Ref: 'Il capitano deve stare zitto'

Act 2 Scene 1
Characters: Francesco: Annoying token Italian, on the bench having been taken off for singing to many Roma songs.
Luke: Annoying e basta.

[Luke is lining up a free kick about 25 or 26 yards to the left of the goal. The score is 2-2 and there are only a few minutes remaining. He is feigning a run up that makes it look like he will cross, but really planning to shoot. Disguising the fact that he is going to shoot is his main preoocupation.]

Francesco: 'Tira, Luke, tira!'
...
Francesco: 'Luke, tira'
Luke: 'Shut the FUCK up!'
[His cunning plan folied, Luke has no choice but to curl it into the top corner,]

Ah... our favourite ref. What a fucking wanker. No swearing Luke. This man is insane. Their keeper telling him to fuck off and Irial and Leo getting kicked while off the pitch was perfectly acceptable to him also. Ah, what a great guy. Why does he hate us so much? Anyway, what a crazy match. Our celebrations after my goal were the craziest for any goal since I have been at the EUI, showing how important this win was. Davie Horan running through in the third minute of stoppage time and finihsing well, notwithstanding their centreback's attempt to mame him put the icing on the cake.

Okay, so they were only ten men from the start, playing 4-4-1. There would eventually go down to 9 and a half men after one of theirs got injured, and then their manager came on, who was crap. Playing against a team with ten men is often tough, because they are so much sharper positionally and more disciplined. Especially Romito, who have let in very very few goals this season. It didn't help then that we let in two of the most stupid goals ever. Why don't we just let in some normal goals sometimes? They go 1-0 up and then sit back. We dominate and are in complete control of the pitch. We have to be patient, and work hard, and be calm. Some people achieve this better than others, with several players looking decidedly nervous. We eventually get a great goal, after fantastic interplay in their box and a wonderful dummy and then great finish by Irial. Four goals in two games for Mr Glynn now. We spread the play well, and have to switch the ball a lot to try and open up their banks of four. Playing with a sweeper helps this, and we get in behind a few times with long balls from the back into the channels. They then score a goal from a corner. Unmarked men, pinball in the box and in. The corner didn't need to be conceded either. Our communication, so good last week, was lacking in the first half. Okay, 2-1 down at half time, but with them a man and a bit down we are confident we can turn it around. Dave H and Leo come on for Manolo and Norbeto.

The second half is like a training exercise, with us just attacking, and them repelling our attempts pretty effectively. Fair play to them, they defended absolutely brilliantly. Dave M came on in the middle of the park, although captain marvel Simon kept telling him he was playing centre back, and we switched to 3-5-2. It eventually took a brilliant, brilliant goal to get through Romito's defence. With the ball starting with Charles, who rolled it out to me.. I brought it forward and passed it to Mate, who played it inside to Luis, Leo made a great run on the blindside of their fullback and was picked out beautifully, Running at full pace, Leo finished brilliantly in off the far post. Great great goal. Well, you can say what you like about this ref, but he has a good impact on my set pieces. Last time he reffed our game I scored from a corner. Not taking corners any more, I can't really try that now, so I belted in a freekick instead. In the euphoria of the celebrations, in which someone gave me a fat lip, I screamed that it was back to 442. Dave McCourt struggled to get used to the sweeper system for a few minutes as he switched to centreback, proving Simon right after all. They won a couple of free kicks round our box, one of which dropped wickedly towards the goal. Velcro-hands Charles caught it brilliantly. We went up the other end and Dave Horan finished brilliantly. Johnny had a bit a row with their keeper, who, looking at the team sheet, is actually their striker usually I think.

Well, the fans got their money's worth. Always great to see Leo's dad at the game. We should get more parents to come along. Eating pasta with Mate, Charles and Dave Horan after many a cuba libre at 7 in the morning was an unexpected but great way to end the night. Well played lads. Well done in particular to Ernesto who was outstanding (again) in the centre of the park. We looked great in our new kits, courtesy of the Oil Shoppe. Drop in and get a sandwich and an American girl's number, or you could just ask Dom for one, as he has quite a few on his sim. Okay, Training on Friday. Pub crawl on Saturday. Game v S Frediano on Monday. No training on Sunday therefore.

Team: (1-3-4-1-1) Charles - Luke - Mate, Simon, Dom (Dave M) - Manolo (Leo (Nate)), Luis, Ernesto, Francesco (Johnny) - Norberto (Dave H) - Irial